A Completely Inaccurate Huskers Preview

By now, you’ve probably read that steaming garbage pile of a “preview” from Bilo Football, and have seen him double down on his completely ridiculous assertions.
Instead of pondering the deeper questions (Are all of his previews this wildly inaccurate?  Was this serious, or just for clicks/ buzz?  How easy is it to get membership in the National Football Foundation or Football Writers Association?  Can we revoke his CFB Hall of Fame vote?), or trying to do a line-by-line fact check, let’s go a different direction:  satirical parody.
You can click on on the More button to read it here, but since I’m honest and up front about hustling my content for clicks, I’d appreciate you reading this on Huskermax.

This is the latest installment of my previews of every football team in the continental United States, by me – a guy barely known outside of my immediate family.  In twelve minutes, I’ll release my overview of the Arcadia Huskies season.  But first, the other big red school in the state:
Nebraska Corn-huskers
New coach Lincoln Riley takes over in Mike, Nebraska replacing beloved, Hall of Fame coach Bo Pelini.  Riley, whose legacy includes running the OSU (Oklahoma Sooners University) program into the ground, will try to avoid the same fate at Nebraska.  Frankly, I don’t know how he could possibly succeed, as recruiting is worse than ever.  Nebraska’s 2018 class has no two star commits, and is dangerously low on the three star guys with MAC offers who helped Pelini rack up so many impressive 9 win seasons.
What To Be Excited About: Offense
Nebraska is known for their successful running backs – or “Eye Backs” as they call them in Mike, Nebraska.  The 2017 Huskers will feature senior RB Adam Taylor, who has been on the roster the longest and is therefore the starter.  Offensive line will continue to be a strength for U of N, as they continue to produce high NFL draft picks from the “Pike Line” – a reference to former coach Milt Tenopir’s love of trout fishing.  Kris Brown will return at kicker, after a stellar career with the Houston Oilers.
What To Be Concerned About: Offense
Obviously, the biggest concern is at quarterback, where junior Zack Darlington MUST stay healthy.  Currently, there is nobody else in the 402 area code capable of throwing a forward pass.
Nebraska is making a big shift in their philosophy.  Gone are the glory days where Nebraska ran and threw the ball with similar effectiveness – as epitomized by Tommy Armstrong’s legendary career.  Now, Riley’s Huskers plan to take on something known as an “offensive identity”.  I don’t see how that can possibly be successful.  The sibling rivalry between Devine and Devin Ozigbo could lead to a rift in the locker room.
What To be Excited About: Defense
MIKE linebacker Dedrick Young’s spectacular sophomore campaign had folks in Mike buzzing. He’ll be a key component in Kevin Cosgrove’s 5-2 scheme.  Joshua Kalu had 3 TFLs from his nose guard position and will continue to anchor the line.  The Black Jersey pass rush looks to lead the nation in sacks again.  The secondary is led by talented defensive backs Tyrone Williams and Jamel Williams (no relation) (I think).
What To Be Concerned About: Defense
Frankly, there aren’t many concerns.  This is a veteran group playing in a familiar scheme with coaches who have been around forever.  The continuity at Nebraska is amazing.  They’ve had the same defensive backs coach for seven straight days!
2017 Schedule: 9/2 University of Phoenix, 9/9 at Oregon State, 9/16 Haskell, 9/23 Mutiger, 9/29 at Creighton, 10/7 Colgate, 10/14 U of Chicago, 10/28 at Gretna, 11/4 Incarnate Word, 11/11 at Oklahoma, 11/18 at Peru State, 11/24 Iowa State
Final Overview
I was never a fan of the Lincoln Riley hiring for Nebraska based on the fact that it makes my stories more confusing to write.  What I see on this 1989 spring roster certainly, for me, as an individual, who likes commas, verifies why I was no fan of the hire. I mean, John Parrella is what, 47 years old?  That won’t cut it in today’s Big Eight.  I do not see Nebraska getting to nineteen wins this season, and this could end up being a team that finishes behind at least Iona in the division, and could struggle to get back to a bowl game, or at least a bowl game that I am aware of, which would be the second time in three seasons under Riley where that would have happened – additionally, this sentence is struggling to get to the period without becoming the longest run-on sentence in the history of the Interwebs. Are you missing Bill Jennings yet, Husker fans?
Know-Nothing College Football from Dave Feit, Internet Football Writers Association Member. CFB Hall of Fame visitor. Covering BS and College Football. Have appeared in a crowd shot on an ESPN game, and called into a local radio show.  Lead Statistician:  Ivanna B. Anonymous.  Social Networking Director: Mark Zuckerberg.  Researcher:  Now Hiring!  Contact us at  ([URL=”http://www.feitcanwrite.com”%5Dwww.feitcanwrite.com%5B/URL%5D). Follow on [URL=”http://www.twitter.com/feitcanwrite”%5D%5BU%5DTwitter%5B/U%5D%5B/URL%5D or on [URL=”http://www.facebook.com/feitcanwrite”%5D%5BU%5DFacebook%5B/U%5D%5B/URL%5D.  Married to a very understanding woman (who also wishes to remain anonymous, 13 years), Dad to Jaibird, Camerica, and Shalulu!

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