Nebraska and Wisconsin unveiled the “Freedom Trophy” that both teams will play for on Saturday. The bronze trophy has a football stadium (half of Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium, and half of Wisconsin’s Camp Randall) with a giant American flag blowing above it. It is breathtaking in it’s generic beauty, forced patriotism, and lack of meaningful connection to the two schools.
But the current Freedom Trophy was not the only design considered by the Big Ten’s Nondescript Trophy Committee. They also considered several other freedom-inspired trophies including:
- A 40 pound bronze bust of Husker freshman tight end Freedom Akinmoladun.
- Free tuition awarded to any Wisconsin or Nebraska student who can correctly spell “Akinmoladun”.
- A slightly used cassette tape of George Michael’s “Freedom ’90” from Barry Alvarez’s glove box.
- A bald eagle wearing an Uncle Sam top hat, clutching Hitler and Bin Laden in its talons.
- A stuffed Bucky Badger wearing a Free LP shirt.
- A bronze sculpture of Mount Rushmore that plays “America F__ Yeah!” when you press George Washington’s nose.
- a 1:100 scale replica of the NYC Freedom Tower. Measuring 17.76 feet, it is the tallest trophy in sports.
- The Heroes Trophy (presented by Hy-Vee!) with “Iowa” and “Heroes” crossed out and replaced with “Wisconsin” and “Freedom”.
- A football helmet filled with Freedom Fries.
- A paper mache head painted to look like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. If you pull the mullet, it recites the classic “Freedom” speech.
- A VHS copy of Rocky IV, recorded from WGN, circa 1996.
- A statue of Abraham Lincoln (the “father of freedom”) wearing a badger head and stove-pipe hat.
- A bumper sticker that says “Merica – Love It Or Leave It.”
- The keys to every home and business in Freedom, Wisconsin (pop. 5,942).