Thought of the Day – 6/30/2015 – Paxton’s Paradox

Imagine an empty room.

It is a smaller room, approximately eight feet by ten feet with the ceiling at an average height.

The walls and ceiling are perfectly white – so unblemished you can almost smell the paint in the air.

The floor is wall to wall linoleum in an equally pristine shade of white.

There are no windows, but the room is well-lit from the ceiling.

In the middle of the room, there is a small table.  It too, is white.

On top of the table sit three items:

• A brand new loaf of store-bought sliced bread*.
• A half-empty jar of peanut butter
• A stainless steel butter knife.

*Ironically, the bread is whole grain wheat; not white.  But that is irrelevant.

Nothing else is in the room.

I guarantee that if you placed me in this room and asked me to make a peanut butter sandwich I would not be able to locate the bag clip or twist-tie used to close the bread bag – especially it if said clip or tie was any color other than white.

*Random factoid:  in many cases, the color of the bag tag or twist-tie relates to when the bread was packaged.  This is Snopes verified, people.

After frantically searching the all white room for the blue twist-tie or sea-foam green bag clip*, I would give up and just spin the loaf real fast to close it.

Finally, after notifying the bag clip’s next of kin, I decide to move on and enjoy my sandwich.  As I raise my PB-sans-J to my lips, I’ll spot the bag clip or tie right where I left it.

Exactly where I had looked 87 times in the last five minutes.

*   *   *

Author’s note:  The title “Paxton’s Paradox” is an obscure reference to Mr. Floyd Paxton, owner of Kwik Lok Corporation – the company that makes the plastic bag clips.

Thought of the (Snow) Day – 2/4/2015

With snow continuing to fall in beautiful Lincoln, NE, today is the second snow day of the week for local students of public and parochial schools.  But it raises the question:

Do home-schooled kids get snow days too?

When the snow flies, do they get a one-day reprieve from tests and homework?  Do they get to hang out in their jammies and watch The Price is Right* the way we did when we were growing up?  Or is it just another day for them?

*Even if The Price is Right is just not the same with Drew Carey.

Regardless of how one feels about the pros and cons of home school, I would hope those kids get to experience the unbridled optimism that a few flakes of snow can lead to instant vacation, as well as the Christmas morning-like excitement that comes from hearing/seeing your school’s name followed by the word “CLOSED”.

Thought of the Day – 12/15/2014 – Pick up the Pieces

A marketing tip to help you from wasting your money this holiday season:

Almost without fail, if a product’s packaging touts the number of pieces you’re getting (“24 piece set!”  “72 pieces!”  “101 pieces!”), at least a quarter of those pieces are complete garbage or things that you will never, ever, ever use.

Even the world’s greatest mechanic or craftsman is probably not going to use all of the sockets and screwdrivers and whatnot in that big tool set.

Do you even know what all of those tiny spoons and forks are for in your set of formal tableware?

Unless you want your preteen niece to look like a rodeo clown, do not get her a big kit with 83 different colors of eye shadow.

Seriously, go for quality over quantity.

 

Thought of the Day – 11/25/2014 – Drive Thru Bacon

Here’s the deal:  It’s damn near 1 am on a Tuesday and I’m fighting the urge to cook up some bacon*

*Why?  Because a man’s desire for bacon is not restricted by concepts of time and space.  Said desire is primal.

But cooking bacon at 1 am on a school night is  rather silly.  I don’t want the noise, the grease, the clean up, the chance that one of the kids might wake up and want my bacon.

My thought is that there should be a way I can have bacon with no muss and very little fuss – and I’m not talking about that pre-cooked stuff in the box or jar of bacon bits.  So here is a million dollar idea that somebody should jump on:

Drive Thru Bacon restaurants.  Drive up, place your order, pull ahead to the second window, pay and be on your way with a Two Slice Snacker, a Big Bacon Combo, or a Super Swine Sampler featuring multiple varieties of bacon.

And I’m not talking about the crappy bacon some restaurants put on a burger or that wafer thin crap you get in a hotel. I’m talking about some quality, thick cut stuff, possibly peppered or maybe with a hint of maple.

Somebody needs to get on this.  Now.

Thought of the Day – 11/3/2014 – Daylight Savings

For many people – and especially those with young kids – Daylight Saving Time is nothing more than government mandated jet lag.  You go to sleep in Chicago, wake up in Cheyenne, and spend the rest of the week trying to figure out where you are and what time it is.

Thought of the Day – 10/14/2014 – Doors

When I go out to the local Big Box store, I’m always fascinated by the people who refuse to open a door for themselves.

Nothing is more American than walking out of your way to use an automatic door.