Intentional Ingestion (i)

In a perfect world, people would think twice about the garbage they willingly allow into their bodies.

There are two segments* of the population that willingly ingest some of the most toxic garbage on earth:

Cigarette smokers and cable news viewers.

*Okay, there are more than two segments of the public who put crap in their bodies day in and day out – notably, an obese elephant of a third group taking in a sizable serving of sewage through GMOs, drive thru windows, and other partially hydrogenated pre-processed crap.  But, let’s just say that I am in no place to criticize the dietary habits of my fellow Americans, so I’ll selfishly choose to focus on the two groups I identified  My blog, my rules!

I struggle to understand why anybody born after, say 1990 (if not earlier) would start smoking.  The addictive nature of nicotine and the multiple health risks associated with smoking have been widely accepted for over a generation.  Besides, with all of the clean air acts in place across the country, in many states it is impossible to find an indoor* public location where one can smoke.

*Want some anecdotal evidence of how addictive cigarettes are?  Check out the number of people outside smoking during the heart of winter when the wind chills are well below zero.  You can give me a song and dance about how you “like smoking”, want the social interaction of a cigarette break, or anything else, but those answers are complete bull when it’s 10 below with a gusty north wind.  At that point, you are an addict.

As for the cable news junkies, I can understand wanting to hear national and international news delivered by somebody who shares your world view.  But I have little time for people who blindly assume what they hear on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News or others is the gospel truth.  Scholars can argue over when “journalistic integrity” ceased to exist on 24 hour news channels (it probably happened during some trumped-up “scandal”), but one should no longer assume that the content (and especially the commentary) you’re receiving from a 24 hour news network is fair or balanced.

In many ways, most cable news shows remind me of ESPN’s “First Take”:  two argumentative people rant and rave for an hour, passionately debating topics they probably don’t care about, all while displaying overblown emotional responses (“he’s the greatest of all time”, “she’s the worst person in the world”, feigned outrage, compassionate sadness, etc.)

In a perfect world, we would snuff out cigarettes and the windbag cable shout fests for our own good.

Also, in a perfect world, I would have the courtesy to post these A-Z updates in alphabetical order.  However, I’m a) not yet done with H, b) not wanting to fall farther behind, and c) not wanting to post six things on one day.  So I’m going out-of-order to keep things moving along.

My apologies if that triggers and OCD tendencies within you.  As I said above:  my blog, my rules.  You can always use the master list on my A-Z page and read the posts in alphabetical order.

*   *   *

(Author’s note:  Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post?  Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge?  Like clicking on links?  These questions are all answered here.)

One Dollar, Bob (b)

In a perfect world, Bob Barker would host The Price is Right forever.

Don’t believe me?  Watch this:

Look:  this is no disrespect to Drew Carey.  I loved him on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, enjoyed many an episode of the Drew Carey Show, and his old stand up comedy routines are still pretty damn funny 30 years later.

But Drew is no Bob.  He never will be.

Bob brought a sense of stately professionalism to a campy show chock full of silly games and goofy college kids.  You always got the feeling that he truly loved what he was doing.  Drew has never struck me as somebody who is doing his dream job.  The quick, sarcastic wit that was a major asset on Whose Line and his stand up career is a hindrance on The Price Is Right.   He comes across as condescending outsider mocking a beloved institution.  I’d be shocked if Carey is the host for the next 10 years, let alone the rest of his career.  I think he’ll get bored and want to do something more suited for his talents.

In my perfect world, Bob Barker would never age, and would continue to host the show every weekday at 10 am.  They’d play all of the classic pricing games – including my personal favorite:  Cliff Hangers.*

*Admit it, just seeing those two words put that Alpine yodeling classic “On the Franches Mountains” in your head.

And in Bob Barker’s perfect world, I’m guessing the microphones would be slender, the models non-litigious, and he wouldn’t have to remind you to help control the pet population.

Have your pets spayed or neutered.

*   *   *

(Author’s note:  Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post?  Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge?  Like clicking on links?  These questions are all answered here.)

My Life Without TV

When I was growing up, my TV choices were limited.  We had the three networks (ABC, CBS, NBC) in Omaha, PBS, and on a clear day, a second CBS from Lincoln.  It was a big deal when the local Fox affiliate started as it greatly increased our TV options.

We lived out in the country so cable was not an option.  Our house was in a wooded area so one of the old school satellite dishes wouldn’t work.  In short, if I wanted to experience the magic of cable TV (MTV!  HBO!  ESPN!  Nick at Night!  Baseball games from Chicago and Atlanta!  Random 80’s movies!) I needed to go to a friend’s house in town or wait until we visited my Grandma.

By the time I went to college, I was more than ready to experience life with more than five channels.  Over time, I came to accept cable TV as a necessary part of my life and watched a variety of shows across many different channels.  The introduction of DVR only strengthened that bond.

But along the way things changed.  My monthly bill for cable and internet climbed past $150.  Our DVR queue was a mix of reruns, crappy faux-reality shows, and old series we were watching for the first time.  Last July we hit the tipping point:  the adoption of our youngest daughter meant that we needed to cut some expenses.

The cable boxes went out and Netflix (streaming over our DVD player) came in.  A few months later, we added Hulu Plus and a Roku box.  Nine months later, and the majority of our family has never looked back.  My wife loves being able to plow her way through her favorite shows episode by episode, season by season.  The kids like the variety of animated movies and their favorite PBS shows.  We were getting most of our TV entertainment needs met for a fraction of what we were paying.

But cutting cable has been hard for me.

It’s not that I can’t find things to watch; I’ve also worked my way through some very enjoyable series.  And it is definitely not because I miss giving $1,800 to Time Warner every year.

It’s the sports – or more appropriately, the lack of sports.  I miss being able to watch a game.

As a fan of the Kansas City Royals, I’ve grown accustomed to watching many of their games on Fox Sports Midwest.  It really stunk that the Royals started playing some of their best – and most successful – baseball in a decade after we dropped cable.

College football season was brutal.  I loved being able to watch the big games on Saturday and catch the highlight shows at night.  This year, when my beloved Huskers were playing on the road, I had to work an invite from one of my friends so I could watch at their house.

I’m not a big NFL fan, but I’ll often turn a game on for background noise while cleaning the kitchen or folding laundry.  But not this year.  We did watch the Super Bowl by streaming the game over the laptop*, but it was a herky-jerky mess without most of the good commercials.

*You may be saying to yourself, “But Dave, most Sunday NFL games and the Super Bowl are aired on the (free) networks.  Couldn’t you watch sports on those?”  

My initial response would be:  “Good question.  Our TVs do not have digital antennas built in, so I bought one the week of the Super Bowl.  It was a complete failure.  I bought the best antenna I could find that did not involve me climbing on the roof.  This supposedly got me a 35 mile range, but there were two downsides:  1) not all of the networks have a tower within 35 miles of Lincoln, NE, and 2) I couldn’t get the antenna properly aligned without having to go through multiple interior walls which, according to the tech support person I called in a panic on Super Bowl Sunday, greatly reduces the signal strength.  At best, we had two clear channels and one fuzzy station.”

My second response would be “Let me know if you are interested in purchasing a like-new digital antenna that Best Buy won’t take back because it is outside of their 15-day return policy.”

Gee thanks, $90 digital antenna.

My wife and I broke down and ordered the very lowest cable tier (20 channels) when we realized that neither one of us wanted to miss the Winter Olympics.  And we’re keeping those basic channels through the completion of the NCAA basketball tournament*.

*Watching the tournament has really changed in the last few years.  What I once viewed as a great step forward – having every game broadcast start to finish on one of four networks – really sucks when you only get CBS.  There were several times in the first weekend that the CBS game was in commercial, at halftime, or a boring 1 vs 16 blowout, but I was stuck watching it.  How I longed for the old days when they would do the “live look in” on other games in progress, cut over to a close game in the final minute, or switch over from a blowout.

With the excellent NCAA March Madness app, I can watch any game I want.  But the definition of irony is watching a buzzer beater on my four-inch phone screen while my 46″ LED sits idle a few feet away.

After the tournament is over?  Cable will go away again, probably for another long stretch.

I may* investigate some less than ethical ways to get access to streaming feeds of games.

*Or, readers from the NSA, FBI, ESPN, or other concerned parties, I may not.  Especially if any of those methods would be considered illegal by a court of law.

Otherwise, while you’re watching that amazing Thursday night game with national title implications, I’ll be watching season three of some cop show with my wife and secretly wishing I could tune in.

Ad Review – Walmart – Steak-Over

Campaign: ”Steak-Over”

Campaign Theme in Haiku Format:

Walmart steaks so good
Restaurant diners are fooled?
Um, I’m skeptical.

Visual

Commentary

Okay…where to begin?

From a creative standpoint, this campaign is a clear and blatant rip-off of the classic “we’ve secretly replaced their gourmet coffee with Folger’s crystals” ads from the 70s and 80s.  I like creativity in my advertising.  I want to see something new and fresh, not a rehash of a 35 year old concept.

That said, stealing the Folger’s idea is absolutely brilliant.

Admit it:  when the guy says they’re replacing the steaks in some high-end steakhouse with Walmart steaks, your B.S. detector went off.  I know mine did.  We’re all thinking the same things:  there is no freakin’ way these people could a) not notice and b) actually enjoy it.  I’m guessing this is the same reaction my parents’ generation had when the Folger’s campaign was new.  The underlying message – if the patrons in these fancy-pants places can’t tell the difference, neither will my family – is tough to beat.

But as brilliant as their concept is, it does not work perfectly.

Things have changed quite a bit in the last 30+ years.  We are more skeptical and jaded then we used to be.  Everybody knows that many “reality” TV moments are carefully planned, staged, and even scripted.  Sure, these folks enjoyed their Walmart steaks, but how many other diners knew their meat was not as good as it usually is and sent their steaks back?  The on-screen disclaimer says “Real customers were shown and compensated for their time and participation.”  What does that mean?  Did the folks who raved about Walmart steak walk out with $500 gift cards to Walmart?  Were their reactions really that authentic?  Are we supposed to trust Walmart, a company that just admitted to tricking about of unsuspecting people?

Let’s focus back on their message.  I know the reaction I’m supposed to have is “Walmart steaks are so good I’d never know them from those served in an expensive steakhouse”.  But here is the reaction I had the first time I saw this ad:

“Man, I’d be so pissed if they did that to me.”

Seriously.  Imagine you’re out on a special date at a very nice restaurant.  This isn’t grabbing a bite at Applebee’s, I’m talking about a fancy place with cloth napkins, where you need reservations and probably dress up a little bit.  The kind of place you’re only going to a couple of times a year.  As you and your lovely date sit down at Jimmy Kelly’s Steakhouse, a well-known Nashville restaurant, you scan the dinner menu and decide that you are going to splurge on the ribeye ($36.75, not including sides, drinks, tax, or tip).  For $36.75, I’m expecting a damn good piece of meat, perfectly seasoned and grilled to my exact specifications.  I’m expecting a steak so good that I would never even consider tainting it with a drop of steak sauce.

Instead, they bring you out a piece of meat from Walmart.  Just typing out that scenario makes my blood boil.  I don’t care how delicious it is, I would be so, so mad.

It raises a question:  Why on earth would these well-known steakhouses agree to let Walmart do this?  It is a lose/lose proposition for them.  You either invite years of scrutiny upon your restaurant/chef/food because you knowingly served Walmart steaks.  And if the ad is successful, potential customers realize they can get equal quality beef at Walmart for $7.98 a pound, and have no need to pay you $36.75 for the same thing.  Essentially you have allowed Walmart to use your business to discourage people from using your business.  That is an interesting business strategy, Jimmy Kelly Steakhouse.  I hope you got some big bucks from Walmart.

I know there are some of you thinking that old Folger’s campaign didn’t hurt the business or reputation of those four-star places.  And you’re probably right, but there is a big difference here.

Coffee, while an integral part of a meal for some, is not why people go to a four star restaurant – the food is the reason.  If I go to a fancy place, my fabulous meal is not going to be ruined because I had a cup of mediocre instant coffee.  But that doesn’t hold true for these commercials.  Great steak is the cornerstone of a great steakhouse.  Jimmy Kelly Steakhouse may give me a free dessert for my participation, but every time I walk in there I’ll think about the time they gave me piece of meat that came from a store where the people watching has its own website.

Put it another way – if Folger’s revived their old campaign, do you think Starbucks would allow them to come into their stores and film people saying “This is really good.  Instead of spending $3.75 here for my coffee, I’ll use Folger’s from now on”?  Hell no.

And that is where this campaign ultimately falls apart.  Look:  I know you can get some nice, quality items at Wally-World, and in my experience, their fresh grocery items (meat, deli, produce) are probably on par with most other grocery chains.  But convincing me that a Walmart steak can pass for one at a great steakhouse?  That is just too high of a mountain to climb.

Grade:  D

Green Poupon

One of the highlights from last week’s Oscars broadcast was the revival of the classic Grey Poupon campaign.  Anybody who alive in the 1980s remembers the basic gist:  snooty rich guy riding in his Rolls pulls up along another snooty rich guy in his Rolls.  Rich Guy A utters the timeless line “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”  Rich Guy B responds “But of course!” and hands the jar out the window.

The reboot of the campaign starts off the same way, but when Guy A drives off with the mustard jar, Guy B gives chase and they have a chase scene interlaced with several symbols of the uber-wealthy.

It is an absolutely brilliant ad – taking a classic, well-known template and flipping it on its head for outstanding dramatic and comedic effect.  I heard from several people who said it was the highlight of Oscar Night.  Having dissected the ads in the last two Super Bowls, I can tell you that this ad would have easily been among the best in either of those games.

And frankly, the brilliance of this ad bums me out.

You see, I recently learned that one of the key people behind this Grey Poupon ad is a classmate of mine from the University of Nebraska.  We were both advertising majors and had several classes together.  And yes, she was pretty good back then.  But…(and maybe this is just my pride and ego talking) but I remember thinking that I was just as good as she was – if not a touch better.

But 15 years later, she’s making amazing commercials in L.A., and my day job is pretty far removed from advertising.  Her work is being seen by 40 million people during the Oscars.  On Oscar Sunday, this blog was viewed by fewer than 40 people.  (Much fewer, I might add).  When she worked on those Christmas Vacation spoof ads for Old Navy, she worked with Chevy Chase.  I once worked with somebody who reminded me of Cousin Eddie.

So yeah, I’m jealous.  And that is something that I never thought I would publicly admit (even if my low readership means that secret will be pretty safe).  And I should also be clear about my fellow Husker who is creating these brilliant ads:  I always thought she was talented, and I truly liked her as a person.  I am very happy for her well-deserved (and I’m sure, hard-earned) success.  It could not happen to a nicer, sweeter person.

But that doesn’t erase that pang of jealousy I feel when I read an article talking about how brilliant the ad was, or think that somebody I considered an equal is doing ads for the second biggest night on TV.  That would be pretty cool.

This envy cause me to look back and evaluate some of the choices I’ve made (pursue unpaid internships or work retail job that pays the bills and bar tab) as well as the lessons I’ve learned (prospective employers care more about your experience than your stellar GPA).

The feelings of jealousy are definitely subsided by my wife (whom I never would have met if not for the decidedly non-advertising job I took out of college) and our beautiful children.  And the rational part of me knows that I would have been very hesitant to move to Chicago or Los Angeles to pursue an ad career – away from family, friends, my Huskers.  Heck, I would not have done it when I was 23 and single and I definitely wouldn’t do it now.

This all leads to the million dollar “what if” question:  If I could go back and do it all over again, would I do things differently, knowing that it could lead to me being the one writing the awesome ad?

My answer is an emphatic “no”.  I have things pretty damn good in my life, and I know a lot of the blessings and positive outcomes that have occurred for me.

That said, if anybody would like a freelance copywriter I am available.  I may not have the amazing portfolio that my fellow Nebraska alum does, but I know in my heart I can produce the same quality of work – and I’ll guarantee my rates are much lower.

Thought of the Day – 12/18/2012

Tonight, the traditional holiday program A Charlie Brown Christmas will be shown on ABC.  I’m planning to watch this wholesome family favorite with my four-year old daughter – who will likely be holding the stuffed Santa Snoopy toy that is currently one of her favorites.

But once Charlie Brown is done providing his simple outlook on American life in the 1960s, as well as the true meaning of Christmas, I don’t think we’re going to stick around for ABC’s next two programs:  Happy Endings and Don’t Trust the B____ in Apartment 23.  Those seem like odd choices to follow one of the most beloved family specials of the Christmas season – even if both episodes are Christmas themed.

In fairness, I haven’t watch either Happy Endings or Don’t Trust the B____, but I’m guessing that neither are all that appropriate for young children who like to repeat things they hear on TV.

On second thought, maybe I’ll record Charlie Brown, and we’ll watch it tomorrow when we can fast forward through the commercials and promos for ABC’s other shows.

Sandy’s Audience

Yesterday, with the mega-Franken-hurri-storm-of-the-Century-cane attacking the east coast, a number of TV shows taped in New York City were cancelled.  Two notable exceptions – The Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon – kept their shows going, but did so without studio audiences.

The results were fascinating.

This piece from Slate has some video clips of what viewers saw – an odd attempt to hold a normal show under very unique circumstances.  Obviously, the most noticeable difference was the lack of a studio audience.  You could tell both Letterman and Fallon missed the laughter, applause, and other feedback they get from their audience.  Fallon especially – he performs his monologue like normal, but you can see how the lack of laughter really throws off his timing and makes him uncomfortably nervous – which in turn makes for interesting TV.

As for Letterman, apparently the guy who does the graphics for the Top Ten list couldn’t make it in to work, so they went decidedly low-tech:  the opening title and each of the Top 10 Rejected Names for the Storm were written in marker on poster board.  Letterman’s interview with Denzel Washington (a pretty big name for such an odd show) was even more casual than the typical talk show interview.

The whole experience was unique, memorable, and slightly surreal.  Watching The Roots laugh heartily at Fallon’s awkward monologue and seeing a very relaxed Denzel slouching on Dave’s couch transformed the shows from two popular late night shows to their elemental state:  a random cable-access talk show with good guests and house band.  In other words, it was like Wayne’s World filmed in the Ed Sullivan Theater.

Ad Review – Miller Lite “Man Up”

Welcome to the first of what I hope to a recurring series of Ad Reviews where your humble blogger will provide comment, criticism, and praise for the ads that are on while you go to the bathroom or press >> on the DVR remote.

In the 20th Century, there would be many credentials necessary for someone like me to publish critical commentary on the creative work of others – such as several years of experience in the ad game, dozens of big name clients I’ve helped, prestigious awards I’ve won, etc.

Fortunately for me, this is the 21st Century and my essential credentials are a) an internet connection, b) a free blog site, and c) a (mostly) functional keyboard* The fact that I have a degree in Advertising from (what is now) a prestigious Big Ten university probably makes me overqualified for the gig.

*I’m pretty sure somebody could pull off a serviceable blog without using any letters worth more than 5 points in Scrabble. Heck, I’m pulling it off so far. Of course, time will tell if I can get this puppy throttled up to “Serviceable”.

So let’s dive in…First up is Miller Lite’s “Man Up” campaign.