Rejected LeBron James “Decision” Ideas

The speculation on where NBA All Star LeBron James will go has been heating up ever since he opted out of his contract with the Miami Heat.  Rumors have him going to Los Angeles to become a Laker, back home to Cleveland, or even staying in Miami with a retooled lineup.

But with LeBron, the destination is only half of the equation.  Once he decides where he is going to go, how will LeBron announce it to the world?

Not how I would pick a team, but what do I know?

Arguably, he will not do another installment of “The Decision” – the one hour, live on ESPN special, where LeBron managed to piss off and alienate almost every person in America when he famously chose to “take (his) talents to South Beach”.

In announcing his next team, there are several different approaches that James can take.

Excuses Miami Heat fans have for leaving early

Much is being made of the hundreds of Miami Heat fans who poured out of the arena with Miami down four points with less than 30 seconds to go in Game 6 of the NBA Finals.  I get it, nothing is more annoying than the “I gotta beat traffic” guy who blocks your view while his wife collects her designer purse.

Miami fans had a crappy reputation already, and this game isn’t going to help.  But it may not be fair to paint an entire fan base with one brush.  I’m sure some of these fans had valid, completely legit reasons for leaving an epic, gonna-talk-about-it-for-years game before the end.  Here are some of those excuses:

• “I wanted to buy a Tony Parker jersey before the game ended to show the world that I’m a longtime Spurs fan.”

• “I wanted to get home and tweet about LeBron not being able to finish what he starts.”

• “I was hoping to catch the last inning of the Marlins game.”

• “I’m more artificial than Cinderella at the ball, so I need to be home before midnight.”

• “I heard there was another bandwagon accepting riders outside.”

• “I’m a horrible fan and likely an awful person.”

• “Miami is all about being seen, so I was just parading around the arena.”

• “Security mentioned that Ray Lewis was back in town, so I needed to get outta there.”

• “Nordstrom’s was having a sale on white pants.”

• “We didn’t leave.  Five thousand of us all had to pee at the same time.”

• “I was afraid that Chris Bosh was going to morph into a giant praying mantis and destroy us all.”

• “The dagger of Tony Parker’s three pointer ruptured my boob job / pec implants.”

• “If I let an underprivileged youth sit in my court side seats, I can write them off, so I was going to look for some.”

• “I didn’t want to get a $10 parking ticket on my Mercedes SUV.”

• “I don’t really care about basketball, I just wanted the free ‘white-out’ t-shirt.”

• “It’s LeBron’s fault.  If he were more like Jordan, I wouldn’t have left.”

The Worldwide Leader (in beating dead horses)

Things I can remember, but are probably gone forever:

• MTV showing videos.
• ESPN’s SportsCenter showing highlights of games without 45 minutes of talking-head analysis.

SportsCenter was on the TV over lunch, and every time I looked up they had some different person on talking about Game 4 of the NBA Finals like it was the World Series of Olympic Super Bowls or something equally earth-shattering*.

*Like Brett Farve discussing a comeback, Tim Tebow being super-awesome, or an SEC team perfecting football.

Look – I get it, the NBA Finals are the championship for one of America’s major professional sports.  It deserves more coverage, insight, and analysis than a regular season between the Royals and Astros.  But it does not need wall-to-wall coverage with 17 different correspondents, reporters, and pundits* shoving their opinions down my throat like it is the gospel truth.

While I’m sure there are folks who want to watch the performance of every player broken down to the most micro of levels – but that should be a separate show on ESPN2, not the flagship program for sports scores and highlights.  For most sports fans, we don’t need to listen to you dissect the trumped-up story lines that you made up two days ago.

*As a side note, I like how ESPN has taken to showing the “resume” for some of their talking heads, such as their playing career or history covering a team or writing for a paper, as if to help boost their credibility.  I just wish that for Tim Legler’s resume they’d include his time with the Omaha Racers of the CBA.

So please, ESPN, let’s try to keep the game analysis to under 20 minutes and devote some time to other sporting events – such as the ones I might have missed while I was watching Game 4 of the NBA Finals.