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The Quick Brown Sample Text Jumped Over the Lazy Blog Post

Authors’s note:  In the course of doing my 8-5 job, I had a need for about 2,500 characters of text so I could test the size limitations of an electronic form*.

*Reason #638 why I don’t write much about my job:  my daily tasks are lacking in the excitement category.  The task above isn’t very exciting or glamorous, even if the end result will impact any Nebraska motorist involved in an accident.

I didn’t feel like trying to Google some random text, nor did I want to plug in random letters or good old lorem ipsum dolor, so I made my own.  The end result amused me enough that I’m going to share it here – in case any other solution engineers out there are in need of a 400 word stream of consciousness for testing a document composition template.  It’s a public service, really.

*   *   *

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.  But why did this happen?  Wouldn’t you think a fox, regardless of how quick he might be, would choose to run away from the dog?  Foxes don’t strike me as the type of animals to taunt other animals – especially predatory creatures capable of killing them.  I understand that foxes don’t have the mental capacity or reasoning ability of humans, but certainly they possess enough sense to flee from a potentially dangerous situation before disaster strikes.

Now, let’s focus on that dog.  In my day, I have known and loved many a lazy dog.  And I’m talking L A Z Y , lazy.  The kind of lazy where you only get up from a nap to take another nap.  A brand of lazy where you are likely to fall asleep while eating.  But even the laziest of dogs will likely be annoyed by a fox jumping over them.  Annoyed enough to likely take action – especially if the dog’s owner is nearby.  Because let’s face it, even a lazy dog still needs to maintain his reputation with his owner.

English: A cartoon image showing an action des...

What the fox?

Dogs are subservient pack creatures who ultimately seek the approval of their Alpha.  This alpha tends to be the human they know as Master, or (more appropriately) the person who provides the food and water they need to survive, as well as the comfy dog house that keeps them protected from weather.  Even the laziest, dumbest, and most worthless  of all dogs knows that he would be foolish to jeopardize an arrangement like that by allowing some fool fox to jump over him devil may care.

This, my friends, is where the quick brown fox makes his mistake:  he underestimates the dog.  His pride, his desire to maintain his standard of living, and most importantly, his ability to catch a quick brown fox in mid-jump and turn him into a stationary dead fox.

Now you may ask yourself why all of this matters, why we’ve covered all of this time and space on quick foxes and lazy dogs.  Believe me, that is a fair and valid question.  It all boils down to a simple and indisputable truth:  It’s damn near impossible to get 2,300 characters of sample text by riffing on Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.  And since we’re about out of space, let’s keeping typing this sentence out until we either run out of space, getting partially chopped off, completely blow up the formatting, or overflow into page two.

Thought of the Day – 5/27/2014 – Screen Cleaning

Parenthood is full of firsts, full of things you’ve never done before, sentences you’ve never thought you’d say*, and questions you never thought you would need an answer to.

*Today’s example:  “Cameron, please do not lick the towel”.

We did some heavy household cleaning this weekend.  Well…I say “we” loosely.  I was mainly in charge of distracting children and moving heavy things.  Anyway, one of my tasks was to clean the windows, which led me to ask the following question:

“How do you get crayon off of a window screen?”

I had never thought this before.  Hell, in all my crayoning days, I never even considered a mesh window (or door) screen as a canvas for my artwork.

Thankfully, the friendly algorithms at Google were there for me in my time of need.

A healthy spritzing of WD-40, followed by a paper towel does a surprisingly good job of removing crayon from a screen.

Now, I need to find out how to remove WD-40 from the hosta below the window.

Sarcasm Font

When I graduated high school (20 years ago this year), the world was relatively simple.  Almost nobody had heard of email or the internet.  Google was just a really big number, not a really big company.  Apple was around, but this was long before they started putting a lowercase “i” in front of all of their products.

Technology has come so far in that time.

It is simply amazing to look back and think of how much has been created, developed, and built into what we know today.

So much of what has been developed (email, social media, text messaging, etc.) was created with the idea and goal of helping us communicate in new and more effective ways.

This is mostly true.  I can communicate with text, tweet, Facebook status, blog post, email, or electronic document.  I can create these messages with a keyboard, touch screen, or the sound of my own voice.  But there is one notable absence.

There is no sarcasm font.

My PC has over 150 different fonts, and none of them are universally known – or even widely used – to convey sarcasm.

If I need to inject emotion or a sarcasm disclaimer into my writing my options are limited.  I could use emoticons*, but I’m not a 12-year-old or that person in the office who uses Comic Sans. 

*And if one were to use an emoticon, which one conveys sarcasm?  The basic smiley?  The winking smiley?  That one where it looks like a tongue sticking out?  All of these stupid emoticons make me 😦

I use hashtags on Twitter, but they really look out of place in an email or text message.  The more technically savvy among us use a bracketed faux-html tag like , but I think that is lost on the majority of readers.

We need something better.*

*Oh really?  You think we can improve upon the current system of nothing?  You’re a dadgum genius, Gump.  

There have been a few attempts to get something going.  I found an online movement to have left-leaning italics imply sarcasm and snark.  But seeing as how the last post was over two years ago, you can guess how well that worked*.

*  #Sarcasm

Where do we go from here?  I’m hopeful that once we get that healthcare thing resolved, bring peace to the Middle East, and cure cancer we can turn our national attention to the real issue facing our country:  trying to figure out if that email or comment on our Facebook status is passive aggressive or sarcastic.

How Original is Original?

The blogging platform I use (WordPress) has a number of very cool analytics, including the ability to see the search strings people are typing into Google that leads them to this site.

As I’ve noted before, some of these are rather…um…unique.  But I’ve noticed that there is one search query that shows up quite often:

“Write an original 40-60 word poem about your current or most recent job.”

A little back story:  In 2011, I was applying for different jobs, which meant I was filling out a lot of online applications.  One of those applications requested an original 40-60 word poem.  I found that request odd – especially for a non-creative, technical position – so I did a quick post about it.

Ever since then, that post gets multiple views every single week, and is probably my most searched post.

I find it ironic (and rather sad) that when asked for an original poem, many people turn to Google to (presumably) find something they can copy and paste, otherwise using some custom writing service.

Roses are red Ctrl + C is blue. Writing poems is easy When Ctrl + V is through

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised.  After all, the internet likely contains millions of term papers, book reports, and job application poems.

To those who would borrow my job poem, please know two things:

1.  If you can find a poem online using Google, your future employer can (and will) to.

2.  Feit Can Write is a freelance writing service, ready and willing to assist with all of your writing needs – including employment poetry.  Contact me – I’ll work cheap.

You’re looking for what?

WordPress (the blogging platform that I use) provides some nice statistics and analytics, including how folks view my various posts – via Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc.  For web searches, I’m able to see the words entered into the search engine.

Today, somebody arrived at this site by entering the following words into their search engine:

large nipple feit

I’d rather not form a mental picture of the person who is searching the interwebs for “large nipple feit”, nor am I all that curious to know if they are looking for just a single nipple, what quantifies “large” versus small or medium, or if what they were hoping to find.

But I feel safe in saying that you have come to the wrong place.

Redundancy With Friends

Recently, I saw one of the stupidest product announcements I’ve ever seen:  A new board game based on Words With Friends.

All together now…

WE ALREADY HAVE THIS – IT IS CALLED SCRABBLE

Whew.  Sorry for shouting there, but c’mon.  This is such a dumb idea that I was initially convinced that it was a hoax/prank.

So let’s see…a popular board game is ripped off to become a popular online game, which is now going to be made into…a board game.  This just makes my head hurt.

Based on this, I’ll be expecting the following products to be launched soon:

  • A print edition of Wikipedia (printed in erasable ink, naturally)
  • Gmail postage stamps
  • An Amazon.com catalog and/or retail store
  • The eBay Garage Sale kit
  • iTunes Mix Tape creator tape deck
  • Memory cards for your digital camera designed to replicate the film experience – they only hold 24 or 36 pictures and you cannot view the pictures until 1 hour after you drop off the memory card at Walgreens.
  • 1-800-GOOGLE (live operators are standing by)

What other technical de-vances have I missed?

The Problem With Google Glasses

A lot of the tech-savvy folks I work with have been talking about the Google Glasses video.   They love the concept of bringing technology to everyday tasks as a way to make life easier (and not to mention, another cool, cutting edge gadget to own).  The video is pretty intriguing, check it out:

Depending on where you live on the technology spectrum, these are either the coolest things ever or another piece of evidence in the decline of civilization.

Personally, I think the concept is neat, but a little sci-fi.  However, it is the execution of the video that really falls short for me.

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