George Carlin

New Husker F_____ Game Day Traditions

Yesterday on Twitter, local radio host John Gaskins (@937JohnGaskins) posted several tongue-in-cheek suggestions for new Husker game day traditions, using the hashtag #newgamedaytraditions, playing off of the now infamous Bo Pelini audio where the coach drops 753 f bombs in  60 seconds

I thought several of the suggestions were pretty f_____ funny, so I’m stealing the idea, and contributing with my own ideas.*

*As far as I know, the ideas below weren’t posted by anybody else.  But if I inadvertently copied your idea, my apologies.  It was unintentional.  Also, since there were some good suggestions from Gaskins and others, I’ll toss those in too.

  • The block N on the Nebraska helmet is replaced with a block F
  • During the band’s pregame spectacular, the announcer say’s “It’s f_____ Football f______ Saturday, and there is no f_____ place like Nebraska.
  • At the conclusion of March of the Cornhusker, instead of spelling out N-E-B-R-A-S-K-A, the crowd spells F-_-_-_ Y-_-_.
  • Instead of spelling out “HUSKERS” during Hail Varsity, the band spells F____ You.
  • The official game ball is present to the referee by the F____ Off Kid, (presented by Runza).
  • After the national anthem, there is a fly over from a sputtering prop airplane pulling a banner that reads “F___ You, You F_______ F___s”
  • When the Huskers take the field, they raise a single finger in the air.  (Nope, not their index finger).
  • Instead of carrying the U.S. flag onto the field, a player is selected to carry a flag of Pelini flipping everyone off.
  • Corporate sponsor Verizon gives giant foam fingers (nope, not the index finger) to all fans.
  • The pump up song before kick off is reworked to be “Can You F____ Feel It?”
  • When the blue hair behind you asks you to sit down, they do it with an f bomb.
  • The HuskerVision tribute to Nebraska players in the pros:  “F___ers in the NFL”
  • Students paint F___ You on their chests.
  • The Husker Sports Network places recorders in the bathrooms, concourses, and luxury suites.  All audio is reviewed and archived for potential use in a few years.
  • The Referee works as many f-bombs as possible into his calls:  “F____ Holding.  Number Seventy-F_______-Three of the f_____ offense.  Ten f______ yards.  Fourth f________ down.”
  • Every time the Huskers score, after the PAT is kicked, the fans raise their arms and wave them back and forth with a single finger extended.
  • The scoreboard tracks the number of f bombs dropped by both teams during the game.
  • Voice of the Huskers, Greg Sharpe ignores all of the profanity and chooses to focus on the performance of Stanley Jean Baptiste.
  • Bo’s halftime interview with the sideline reporter consists entirely of George Carlin’s “Seven Words” routine.
  • During halftime, the band marches into the shape of a hand with all five fingers extended.  They march until only one finger remains.
  • The Today’s Attendance total is broken out into real and fair-weather fans.
  • Fans curse the team whenever they go three and out on offense or give up points on defense.  (Oh wait – that’s not new at all).
  • Former offensive and defensive linemen are stationed at the stadium exits.  If anybody tries to leave before the game ends, they are asked “Where the f_____ do you think you’re going?”
  • After the game, Ron Brown leads players from both teams in prayer, where they give thanks and praise to Jesus F. Christ.
  • As the visiting team leaves the field, they are flipped off by the fans in the southeast corner of the stadium.

Some of my favorites from Twitter:

Germ Warfare

The bottle of hand sanitizer at my desk claims it will kill “99.99% of germs”.  That is nice – not because I live in constant fear of germs, sickness caused by germs, Germans, germination, German short-haired pointers, or anything else germane to the discussion – but because that is what I expect sanitizer to do.

I expect sanitizer to make my hands clean, smelling slightly like rubbing alcohol, and help me locate any cuts or scratches that I was not previously aware of.  But what about the 0.01% of germs that make it past the sanitizer’s defenses.  How do I stop these germs?  Or do I constantly live in fear of some super septic that seeks to wreak havoc on my body?

I generally subscribe to the George Carlin theory about germs and role our immune system should play in keeping us healthy.  (Caution – George uses words that are not friendly for most workplaces / young ears).

But if that doesn’t work, maybe I could defend myself with a German Sheperd?

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