The Quick Brown Sample Text Jumped Over the Lazy Blog Post

Authors’s note:  In the course of doing my 8-5 job, I had a need for about 2,500 characters of text so I could test the size limitations of an electronic form*.

*Reason #638 why I don’t write much about my job:  my daily tasks are lacking in the excitement category.  The task above isn’t very exciting or glamorous, even if the end result will impact any Nebraska motorist involved in an accident.

I didn’t feel like trying to Google some random text, nor did I want to plug in random letters or good old lorem ipsum dolor, so I made my own.  The end result amused me enough that I’m going to share it here – in case any other solution engineers out there are in need of a 400 word stream of consciousness for testing a document composition template.  It’s a public service, really.

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The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.  But why did this happen?  Wouldn’t you think a fox, regardless of how quick he might be, would choose to run away from the dog?  Foxes don’t strike me as the type of animals to taunt other animals – especially predatory creatures capable of killing them.  I understand that foxes don’t have the mental capacity or reasoning ability of humans, but certainly they possess enough sense to flee from a potentially dangerous situation before disaster strikes.

Now, let’s focus on that dog.  In my day, I have known and loved many a lazy dog.  And I’m talking L A Z Y , lazy.  The kind of lazy where you only get up from a nap to take another nap.  A brand of lazy where you are likely to fall asleep while eating.  But even the laziest of dogs will likely be annoyed by a fox jumping over them.  Annoyed enough to likely take action – especially if the dog’s owner is nearby.  Because let’s face it, even a lazy dog still needs to maintain his reputation with his owner.

English: A cartoon image showing an action des...

What the fox?

Dogs are subservient pack creatures who ultimately seek the approval of their Alpha.  This alpha tends to be the human they know as Master, or (more appropriately) the person who provides the food and water they need to survive, as well as the comfy dog house that keeps them protected from weather.  Even the laziest, dumbest, and most worthless  of all dogs knows that he would be foolish to jeopardize an arrangement like that by allowing some fool fox to jump over him devil may care.

This, my friends, is where the quick brown fox makes his mistake:  he underestimates the dog.  His pride, his desire to maintain his standard of living, and most importantly, his ability to catch a quick brown fox in mid-jump and turn him into a stationary dead fox.

Now you may ask yourself why all of this matters, why we’ve covered all of this time and space on quick foxes and lazy dogs.  Believe me, that is a fair and valid question.  It all boils down to a simple and indisputable truth:  It’s damn near impossible to get 2,300 characters of sample text by riffing on Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.  And since we’re about out of space, let’s keeping typing this sentence out until we either run out of space, getting partially chopped off, completely blow up the formatting, or overflow into page two.

Suggested “Top Hooker” Challenges

My friend Erin posted a very funny status on Facebook tonight:

Dear Animal Planet,
I am very disappointed your show “Top Hooker” is a fishing show and not an amazing reality show for prostitutes. Whomever names these shows for you should be fired.

Dear Fox,
I have a multi-million dollar idea for a new reality show…

Talk about your catfishing…

In the comments, she threw down a challenge for me to come up with some ideas for competition challenges on the Fox show.  Since I gladly take requests, I present Suggested Top Hooker Challenges:

  • High heel obstacle course.  Contestants are given knee boots with 7″ heels and must complete an obstacle course made up of sewer grates, icy sidewalks, an 8′ chain link fence, and on-coming traffic while being chased by vice squad detectives.
  • Pretty Woman challenge.  Contestants have three hours to find a john who possesses either the looks or the wealth of Edward Lewis.
  • Karaoke challenge.  The competitors all sing Roxanne while special celebrity judge Stewart Copeland of The Police picks a winner.
  • Phishing challenge.  In a nod to the Animal Planet show, the competitors attempt to steal the identity of one of their johns.
  • Fishing challenge.  An Animal Planet/Fox cross-over event!  The girls are sent out to the lake where they must reel in a largemouth bass.  The fishers must head down to the corner and shake their bass.
  • Free clinic bingo.  The girls head down to the free clinic for a variety of STD tests.  For each positive, they get to mark a square on their bingo card. Morals: as somebody who watches this you at least know the way how to get to know if you have herpes, one ready algorithm.
  • Euphemism Trivia.  Can the contestants correctly identify the slang name for various sexual activities?  Sample question:  “Which is a commonly known act:  The Cleveland Steamer, Kansas City T-Bone, or the Sioux City Explorer?”  (Bonus points for identifying what the other two have in common).
  • Pimp my pimp.  All reality shows love a make-over special.  This one gives the ladies a chance to transform their special man into something extra special.
  • Bobbing for Adam’s Apples.  The contestants try to guess which of their fellow competitors is actually a tranny named Manny.
  • Talk of Shame.  For the reunion special, the contestants return to their hometowns and awkwardly answer the question “So, what do you do for a living?”

There’s No Song Like “Home”

The other night, we watched “A Home For the Holidays” on CBS, which is a lovely Christmas special focusing on families who have been blessed by adoption.  They show little vignettes of families sharing their adoption stories and have different musical performances for a studio audience of adopted kids and their families.

One of the musical performances was American Idol winner Phillip Phillips performing his hit song “Home”, a beautiful song that was very appropriate for a show about adoption.  If you are one of the six people in the world not familiar with the song (or if you, like me, like to listen to it) you can play it here:

But that was not the only thing to stick out to me – it is (at least) the fourth different television network to use that song.  The unofficial list:

  • FOX:  Where it all started:  American Idol
  • NBC:  “Home” was played during the Summer Olympics whenever they were getting ready to show a women’s gymnastics segment.
  • ABC:  Used it in promos for Extreme Makeover – Home Edition
  • CBS:  A Home For the Holidays, live performance

While I’m sure I’m missing some other examples, I find it fascinating* that all four of the broadcast networks have used the same song fairly prominently in their programming.

*Even though I am a big dork for obscure observances like this, I’m using “fascinating” very loosely.

In this day and age, playing songs during TV shows is very common.  Grey’s Anatomy helped The Fray sell millions of albums.  And I’d be willing to wager that ESPN plays more music than MTV does.  But for the most part, these songs tend to be pretty exclusive to a network – or at least a corporate structure.  Off the top of my head, I can’t think of another song that has been used this prominently on multiple networks – let alone the big four broadcast networks (but if you can, drop it in the comments).

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