I love playing Words With Friends.
And I’ll be honest, I like to think I’m pretty darn good* at it.
*Unless, of course, I’m playing my buddy Emo. E kicks my butt. Regularly, and with military precision.
I know multiple ways to play a Q without an U, I can dominate triple words, and I treat S and blanks like the winning lottery tickets they are. Heck, it’s like I wrote the definitive guide* on How To Win at Words With Friends.
*Definitely the definitive guide on this website, and likely the best one that Bing can find.
But there is one thing that trips me up and leads me into a mild state of panic:
The two V tiles in every game. I dread getting a V. I struggle to play them, and it feels like I’m stuck with them for round after round until dump them for a relatively low point play.
v v v
I wish I knew what kind of voodoo vex the letter V has placed on me. When I view one in my rack, my vision enters a vortex of vertigo, a volley of vulgar words invade my brain. I vary on if I want to vomit or feel like drinking a vat of vegan vodka.
Why such venom and vitriol for V? Why does it create a void on my vibe, a virtual volume of viruses than visit me like visions of seventy-five vomiting virgins? How to voice the very bad vibes of V?
Invariably, it is because my visions of V (playing very valuable words like Valence, Voyager, Varactor, or Variant) vanish into vapid voids of three-letter words (Van! Vat! Vet!) and four letter words that end in -AVE, -IVE, or -OVE.
In other words, I want to be on the V varsity, where my Vees and vowels combine to vaunt the velvety velour of my verbal vitality. Instead, my plays are vanilla and reveal a virtuoso virility somewhere between an MTV veejay and a piece of veal.
Maybe it is my vanity, but I’d like to believe that I have the mental vitality, the voracity of vocabulary to vend my Vees with valor and velocity.
Is there a vaccine for my barely visible V vocab, or do I need to vary the voltage valve on my vanity? Is there a vehicle to veer me away from the three-letter void I vanish into? A viral video I can view?
Perhaps if I took my Visa to a vendor of verbs I could alter the vector of my V viscosity. Is there a personal V valet I can hire that works for Velveeta, vitamins, and vegetables? Can I balance on the verge of vulgarity and only play words like vagina and vulva?* Am I being to vague?
This is what vexes me. I value the vast volume of vertical space on my Words With Friends board. Therefore I vow to vastly boost my V valor with a veritable variety of vigor, Eddie Vedder vinyl, and box vino from a vintner in a villa by Valentine, Neb.
I’m vying for victory, as well as the vase of virtual violets bestowed upon the victor via a visage of violins and violas.
Or, if I ignore all of this I can play “ROVE” for like eight points. That’s pretty good, isn’t it?
v v v
(Author’s note: Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post? Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge? Like clicking on links? These questions are all answered here.)