Thought of the Day – 5/29/2014 – Nutella Like It Is

Our household has been on a bit of a Nutella kick.  The kids like to ask for a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich at meal time.

Sure, Nutella can call itself a “hazelnut spread”, and tout its quality ingredients like as skim milk.

But let’s be honest here, gang:

Nutella is rich chocolate and hazelnut frosting that is socially acceptable to be eaten as part of a meal.

Personally, I think it gained that social acceptance for the way it can help transform everyday breakfast foods into one-off versions of yummy treats.

Nutella on bread?  A poor man’s cake.

Nutella on toast?  A non-fried, chocolate iced donut.

Nutella on bacon?  An experience not of this world.

Nutella on a spoon?  A utensil that will be licked clean.

Not that I would know anything about that last one…

Mmm, really thin cake (Photo credit: ninacoco)

 

Thought of the Day – 12/30/12 – Chopsticks

I have an irrational disdain for chopsticks.

Not the beginner’s piano song (although that is kinda annoying too), but the stick utensils people use when they eat Chinese food.

I think the practice is dumb.  Why?

You don’t use chopsticks any other time.  Why not whip out the ol’ sticks at your favorite Mexican place?  Or when mom makes her meatloaf with mac & cheese?

Why is that?  Is it because the utensils you normally use are superior for the task of transporting food from plate to pie hole than chopsticks?  Yep, they sure are.

It is incredibly impractical.  For the non-dexterous among us, eating with chopsticks is very tough (unless you employ the “stab” method).  Even if you can catch a fly in midair Miyagi style, good luck cleaning your plate without using your hands.

Chinese food does not taste any better when eaten with bamboo (or plastic) sticks than it does with a metal (or plastic) fork.  Now I can understand if you are actually IN CHINA, or maybe even the Chinatown* area of a major city that you would use chopsticks to get the full cultural experience.

*In my travels, Chinatown districts still have a fork waiting for you on the table.

It begs the question:  If I’m in China and I go to a restaurant that serves Italian, Mexican, or some other non-Chinese cuisine, do they provide forks for the locals to use?

Thought of the Day – 4/30/2013 – Eat Fresh, Smell Rotten

Allow me to do my Jerry Seinfeld impression*:

What is the deal with that smell at Subway restaurants?

*Pretty good, huh?

All Subway restaurants have that smell.  Every single one of them (and I’ll freely admit to eating at Subways all across America during my business travel days).  You know the smell I’m talking about…or at least I hope you do.  I can’t really describe the aroma (my nose is not connected to the part of my brain that conjures descriptive adjectives).  It’s not a horrible or nauseating smell, but it is always present.  It is distinctive, and you’ll never smell it anywhere other than a Subway.

I assume the odor is from their freshly baked bread, except that freshly baked bread doesn’t smell like that.  If it did, real estate agents would encourage people selling their homes to burn microwave popcorn to make their houses smell homey and inviting.  More appropriately, I’d guess the silicone trays they bake the bread in are a potential culprit.

Regardless, the stench is everywhere.  I ate at a Subway for lunch and all afternoon I was very conscious of the fact that I was omitting the Subway odor.  My apologies to the clients and co-workers I stood next to.  I tried to keep my distance.  Really, I did.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to go home, shower, and change clothes.

And that was only after a quick meal.  I’m guessing most Subway Sandwich Artists* go home and douse themselves in gasoline to get rid of that smell.  I would not be at all surprised if the Subway smell contributes to some type of black lung disease like coal miners get.  Years from now, there will be a late night commercial about a class action lawsuit against Subway like those mesothelioma ads you see now.

*Sandwich Artists.  Pfft.  What a fluffed up, load of crap job title.  Painting is art.  Sculpting is art.  Photography is art.  Singing is art.  Cooking can be art.  Putting cold cuts and pickles on bread is not art.  Sanitation Engineers mock your trumped-up title.

Apparently, Subway knew better than to play up the artistry angle too much in their advertising, which is truly a shame.  I’d love to see a commercial profiling a Sandwich Artist, complete with dramatic lighting, cinematic direction, and the following narration by a Masterpiece Theater-type voiceover guy:

“He’s the Picasso of the pepperoni.  The Georgia O’Keefe of the roast beef.  A Dali of the deli meats.  He’s like Edvard Munch when he makes your lunch.  Come experience the fine art of sandwich making at your neighborhood Subway.”

My suggestion:  Subway restaurants should install a decontamination station by the door where folks can have the Subway funk removed.  Simply step inside a shower stall-like booth, put a dollar in the slot and select your desired fragrance (Fabreeze, Axe body spray, old lady perfume, or Lysol).  Car wash sprayers extending from the wall would mist you from head to toe, leaving you smelling fresh.

Thought of the Day – 8/30/2012

Recently, my wife bought a can of coconut water at the grocery store.

It tasted like liquified saltine crackers.

Why would somebody knowingly sell something that tastes like liquified saltine crackers?

They really should put a warning message on the cans.

iPad Can Cook

I read an interesting article yesterday that the iPad is becoming a must-have accessory in the kitchen.  Essentially, many home and professional cooks are using the popular device (and the thousands of cooking related apps it can run) to find recipes, utilize leftovers, store and index favorite recipes, and watch videos of cooking techniques.

This is all well and good, but the story failed to answer a key question.  Frankly, it is a question that I have had ever since the iPad was released, and this article brought it up once again:  what does the iPad bring to the table (in this case, the kitchen table) that my laptop or smartphone does not?

My wife and I regularly take our laptop into the kitchen, using it to view recipes that we’ve found on foodnetwork.com or other recipe sites.  We’ve used it to answer nagging questions (such as what is a caper?)  My wife (the true culinarian of the family) makes awesome fondant cakes, and she’s found some videos showing her different techniques and tricks.  All very cool, very convenient, and easily accomplished using our $300 HP laptop.

So what am I missing?  What is the iPad providing that my humble laptop cannot?  A coolness factor?  Does it double as a cutting board?  Can I use the warmth of the screen to heat up a Hot Pocket?  If you touch the screen correctly, does the ghost of Steve Jobs appear and make you an Apple® pie?

I’m guessing the answer lies in the apps – those little applications that you can purchase/download to do pretty much anything.  Surely, there are cooking apps that provide some cooking ninja voodoo not available on the lowly laptop.  But what are those special features?  I’m fairly new to the world of smartphones, but all of the above could be accomplished using my Droid (albeit on a much smaller screen), so again, what is it about the iPad (as opposed to the iPhone) that is so special?

Dear readers (especially those of you with iPads) please help me out.