Top 10 Things Harder Than Being A Pelini in Nebraska

On Wednesday, it was reported that former Nebraska defensive coordinator (and fired Florida Atlantic head coach) Carl Pelini had expressed interest in coaching a high school football team in Des Moines, Iowa.

In an interview with the Des Moines Register, Pelini explained his interest (he wants a job that allows him to be relatively close to his children in Nebraska).  He also gave some insight into the recluse-esque lifestyle he’s led since being fired from FAU:

“I came back to Lincoln (Neb.), kept to myself. I don’t even go to restaurants,” he said. “I spend (almost) 100 percent of time with my children, I teach school at the community college here. For about 15 months, I just have lived liked a hermit.”

Jokes aside, I do feel for the guy.  Say what you will about some of the choices he has (allegedly) made, it still sucks to not be able to do the thing you love and want to do.  Plus, it would be really hard to live in a city like Lincoln and not enjoy some of the wonderful local restaurants (Honest Abe’s, C. Berry’s, Lazarri’s, Sebastian’s Table, and Lazlos, to name a few).

But there was one quote from the interview that left a bad taste in my mouth:

“It’s hard to be a Pelini in Nebraska.”

Setting aside the obvious fact that nobody is forcing the architect of Carlfense to reside in the Good Life (or whatever we’re calling it this year), the simple fact remains that there are things harder to be in Nebraska than a Pelini.

Without further ado, I give you the Top Ten Things Harder Than Being A Pelini In Nebraska:

10.  Being an (alleged) adulterer and drug user trying to write a children’s book in Nebraska.

9.  Being a Jaysker in Nebraska.

8.  Being a liberal democrat in Nebraska.

7.  Being a fan of consistent, moderate weather in Nebraska.

6.  Being a fan of Iowa Hawkeye football in Nebraska.

5.  Being a flamboyant homosexual in Nebraska.

4.  Being a homosexual in a committed relationship in Nebraska.

3.  Being a hater of Nebraska football in Nebraska.

2.  Being unable to find work when your last job didn’t pay $472,500 a year in Nebraska.

1.  Being a Cosgrove, Pederson, or Callahan in Nebraska.

Owl Blown Out

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Feit Can Write

Rejected Carl Pelini Children’s Books (R)

Last week, former Nebraska Defensive Coordinator) made some of his first public remarks since resigning as the head coach at Florida Atlantic University over allegations of marijuana and cocaine use.  This follows rumors of marital infidelity from his time at Nebraska.

Fear not friends.  Despite a rough end to 2013, Carl is doing well.  He’s visiting various college and pro teams in hopes of getting back into coaching, but more importantly, he finally found some time to finish up his novel.

Seriously.

We all know that the thought of a disgraced football coach writing a novel is comedy gold – especially said coach is the big brother of Nebraska coach Bo Pelini.

My No Coast Bias colleague Chris Hatch has already checked in with some excellent excerpts and cover art from Carl’s book.

“Hey! You! Read my $%#@%W book!” (photo courtesy HuskerLocker.com)

Since I a) have only read children’s books in the last five years, and b) really suck at Photoshop, I figured I would speculate on the children’s books Carl is likely working on for his next release:

• The Very Horny Caterpillar
• One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Crack Cocaine
• This Little Pelini Went to Jail
• Where The (Girls Gone) Wild Things Are
• Green Eggs and Weed
• Cloudy With A Chance of Mistress
• Pot the Bunny
• Chicka Chicka Bang Bang
• For the slightly older readers, a four-part Harry Potter-esque series:  Coach Pelini and the Chamber of Dirty Secrets / Coach Pelini and the Goblet of Four Loko / Coach Pelini and the Half-Stoned Punter / Coach Pelini and Genital Warts at Hogwarts
• The Little Pelini That Could
• Llama Llama Invisible Pajamas
• Puff the Magic Defensive Coordinator
• Old Pelini Had A Gram (E I E I O)
• Pot Goes The Weasel
• Where, O Where Has My Little Bo Gone?
• Humpty then Dumpty

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While you’re here, I’d appreciate a quick vote in my poll to see which Incomplete post I should finish next:  Vote here.

(Author’s note:  Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post?  Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge?  Like clicking on links?  These questions are all answered here.)