Candy

Thought of the Day – 10/31/2012

I love the ironic aspects of Halloween:  the ever-shrinking size of “fun”, wimpy kids dressed up as super heroes, and so much more.  But my favorite is this:

In a nation that is so lazy, obese, and opposed to walking more than three blocks in a row, Halloween is the one day where kids, parents, and grandparents all go for lengthy walks around their neighborhoods….

But only because strangers will reward you with candy for your effort.

Thought of the Day – 5/26/2012

When you’re having a lemon-flavored candy, there is a fine line between deliciously refreshing lemon flavor and Lemon Pledge.

Who’s Laffing Now?

I’m doing my part to get rid of the remaining Halloween candy, which means a lunch time dessert of the cherry-flavored Laffy Taffy which my wife won’t touch*.

*Our marriage is helping each other out:  I eat all of the artificial cherry flavored things and she eats all of the artificial banana flavored things.  Never having to eat your hated faux-fruit candy is the secret to a long and happy marriage.

Laffy Taffy is known for the “jokes” on their wrappers.  I say “jokes” very, very loosely, as they are usually more along the lines of sad riddles and pathetic puns such as:

Why did the strawberry cross the road?

How do you keep a lion from charging?*

We all know the jokes are stupid, sad, and not funny – I mean, you have better odds of buying a winning lottery ticket than actually LOL’ing from a Laffy Taffy wrapper.  But what is really sad is they hide the answers under the wrapper’s flap.  This means you have to physically seek out the answer to why the strawberry crossed the road (and I’m not telling you yet).  You know the setup is dumb, the joke is written for a the comedic tastes of a 6-year-old, and the punch line is going to be groan inducing.

But you still have to lift that damn flap to find out.

*Sometimes you don’t need to lift the flap – such is the case with “How do you keep a lion from charging” (A:  Take away its credit cards).  Kudos to the good folks at Laffy Taffy, Inc. for taking an ancient sexist joke and replacing swapping a rather masculine animal (lion) for the joke’s original feminine subject (your wife, a woman, etc.) 

It’s not like you have to lift the answer flap to get at the rubbery, artificially flavored goodness.  As I can personally attest, you can open the wrapper without flipping the flap.  Mmm….rubbery.

But you still have to know the answer to the riddle.  Why DID the strawberry cross the road?

It is that insatiable curiosity, that I know sticking this police taser on my leg will hurt, but how much will it hurt need to know that drives me crazy.  So I flip up the flap and reveal the answer:

Because his mother was in a jam.

Ugh.

I think the punchline to all Laffy Taffy jokes should be accompanied by this.

Thought of the Day – 11/2/11

Judging by my daughter’s Halloween candy, “Fun” is not nearly as big as it used to be.

Either that, or my hands have really gotten big in the last few year.

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