A year or so ago, I compiled a list of my biggest Facebook Pet Peeves. While some of these have slipped away – the “copy and paste this as your status if you agree” movement has mercifully slowed down – some new ones have cropped up. Technically many of these are more about annoying Friends do than true pet peeves, but close enough for the Internet…
As before, the standard disclaimer applies: If any of these apply to my current Facebook friends, (and you might be able to guess where most of my inspiration came from) I mean no offense. Consider it a friendly intervention (sans the How I Met Your Mother banner). You might get defensive at first, but I’m only telling you because I care. If you disagree, I’ll respect your right to de-friend me (but know that I might do it first).
Obama sucks, Republicans are stupid hypocrites, the Occupy movement was a bunch of dirty hippies, the Tea Party is full of racist jackasses, and on and on and on. Every single post is about furthering your agenda, spreading some gross distortion, or sharing your general disdain for the other side.
Unfortunately, the only thing you’re convincing me is the next time I bump into you, I should either pretend that I’m running late or keep the conversation solely on the weather. Even then, you’ll probably try to blame George W. Bush for the heat or mock Al Gore for the chilly temps.
Single Issue Guy
A close cousin of the Extreme Partisan. Instead of telling me how the other party is ruining the country, you lock in one issue. All day. Every day. 24/7/365.
I get it: you like your Second Amendment rights. You hate abortion. Gays should be allowed to marry. While I may or may not agree with your positions, I am not coming to Facebook looking to debate issues (especially when your best argument is some ridiculous image with a bumper sticker slogan or tired talking points falsely attributed to a celebrity.
Please stop filling my timeline with your propaganda. Of if that is too hard for you, at least try to mix it up. Give me your rabid rantings and conspiracy theories on the designated hitter, college football playoffs, or the age-old Taste Great/Less Filling debate.
My news feed currently has recipes for seven different chocolate-laden desserts, two pies, four casseroles, and enough quick and easy dinners using Pillsbury crescent rolls to last a month. Enough! Unless you made it yourself, I don’t need to see a picture of it. And if you’re not offering to make these dishes for the rest of the class, find a better system for storing recipes*.
*Some recipe posts urge you to share so it will show up on your Wall so you can find it later. Yeah, I’m sure when I’m trying to make a dessert for Christmas dinner, I’ll remember to go into my Facebook Wall, navigate to February 2013…wait, was that in March?…skim through two dozen other recipes…or was it January? When was the Super Bowl?…hope that particular recipe is actually displayed on my Wall…no, I’m pretty sure it was February, because that was when Cousin Tito was in town…and hopefully find that recipe.
Recipe sharers, there’s a site you should check out. It’s called Pinterest.
Please don’t invite me to play another game. I’m perfectly capable of wasting time on my own. Also, I don’t give a crap that you just passed Level 71 on Candy Crush Saga or scored 30 points on Words With Friends – and I play both of those games. Here is a tip*: when you authorize Facebook to use an app, change the privacy to “Only Me”. That way, nobody else has to suffer through your latest “achievement.”
*Time to break out my Feit Can Write end-user documentation skills for a quick Public Service Announcement:
How to Change Sharing for Facebook Apps (or How to Keep Automatic Posts to Yourself)
- In Facebook, click on the sprocket icon in the upper right hand corner.
- Click on Privacy Settings.
- In the left hand pane, click on Apps.
- A list of your authorized applications will appear. The middle column shows the visibility of an app and posts.
- To edit the visibility and posting access, click on either the word in the middle column or the Edit link to the right.
- Click on the drop-down list next to Visibility of apps and posts, and select the desired privacy level (Public, Friends of Friends, Friends, Only Me, Custom).
- RECOMMENDED: Select “Only Me” to prevent game notifications from polluting the feeds of your friends.
- Repeat steps 5 and 6 for other applications.
- Exit the Privacy section.
Who am I talking about? The person who shares dozens of images every day, and all from weird accounts like “Crazy Lady Duck Farts & Humor.” Cat pictures, memes, syrupy “I love my sister/bff/cousin/podiatrist” images, and more personal affirmations than an AA meeting? Share it. A cute video of babies or puppies? Share those too.
Look: the Share button should be reserved for things that your friends want – nay, NEED – to see*, not two dozen eCards, some ugly-ass cowboy boots you won’t win, or schmaltzy inspirational images that made you smile. That is what the Like button is for.
*Disclaimers: If you’re sharing anything that starts with “YOU NEED TO READ THIS”, take 30 seconds to check it on snopes.com first, so you don’t end up looking like a gullible fool. Obviously, the amazing and clever posts from the Feit Can Write Facebook page are exempt from this, and should always be shared. Always.
I think Facebook should institute a limit on the number of shares you get per day or per month (say 5 a day and 100 a month). Hell, let Zuckerberg sell additional shares for a buck each.
I know I did this one last time, but it still bugs me. I am convinced that couples who share Facebook accounts either have severe trust issues or one person doesn’t really want to be on Facebook. If there is another plausible reason, I’d love to hear it.
Seriously, it’s time. Get your own account.
What did I miss? What drives you nuts on Facebook?