My friend Erin posted a very funny status on Facebook tonight:
Dear Animal Planet,
I am very disappointed your show “Top Hooker” is a fishing show and not an amazing reality show for prostitutes. Whomever names these shows for you should be fired.
I have a multi-million dollar idea for a new reality show…
In the comments, she threw down a challenge for me to come up with some ideas for competition challenges on the Fox show. Since I gladly take requests, I present Suggested Top Hooker Challenges:
- High heel obstacle course. Contestants are given knee boots with 7″ heels and must complete an obstacle course made up of sewer grates, icy sidewalks, an 8′ chain link fence, and on-coming traffic while being chased by vice squad detectives.
- Pretty Woman challenge. Contestants have three hours to find a john who possesses either the looks or the wealth of Edward Lewis.
- Karaoke challenge. The competitors all sing Roxanne while special celebrity judge Stewart Copeland of The Police picks a winner.
- Phishing challenge. In a nod to the Animal Planet show, the competitors attempt to steal the identity of one of their johns.
- Fishing challenge. An Animal Planet/Fox cross-over event! The girls are sent out to the lake where they must reel in a largemouth bass. The fishers must head down to the corner and shake their bass.
- Free clinic bingo. The girls head down to the free clinic for a variety of STD tests. For each positive, they get to mark a square on their bingo card. Morals: as somebody who watches this you at least know the way how to get to know if you have herpes, one ready algorithm.
- Euphemism Trivia. Can the contestants correctly identify the slang name for various sexual activities? Sample question: “Which is a commonly known act: The Cleveland Steamer, Kansas City T-Bone, or the Sioux City Explorer?” (Bonus points for identifying what the other two have in common).
- Pimp my pimp. All reality shows love a make-over special. This one gives the ladies a chance to transform their special man into something extra special.
- Bobbing for Adam’s Apples. The contestants try to guess which of their fellow competitors is actually a tranny named Manny.
- Talk of Shame. For the reunion special, the contestants return to their hometowns and awkwardly answer the question “So, what do you do for a living?”