Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day – 5/31/2014 – Kid Math

Question:  If I have two kids asleep, and can get the third one asleep, how many people will be sleeping?

Answer:  Four.

Daddy gets to nap too.

Night night

Thought of the Day – 5/29/2014 – Nutella Like It Is

Our household has been on a bit of a Nutella kick.  The kids like to ask for a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich at meal time.

Sure, Nutella can call itself a “hazelnut spread”, and tout its quality ingredients like as skim milk.

But let’s be honest here, gang:

Nutella is rich chocolate and hazelnut frosting that is socially acceptable to be eaten as part of a meal.

Personally, I think it gained that social acceptance for the way it can help transform everyday breakfast foods into one-off versions of yummy treats.

Nutella on bread?  A poor man’s cake.

Nutella on toast?  A non-fried, chocolate iced donut.

Nutella on bacon?  An experience not of this world.

Nutella on a spoon?  A utensil that will be licked clean.

Not that I would know anything about that last one…

nutella for breakfast

Mmm, really thin cake (Photo credit: ninacoco)

 

Thought of the Day – 5/27/2014 – Screen Cleaning

Parenthood is full of firsts, full of things you’ve never done before, sentences you’ve never thought you’d say*, and questions you never thought you would need an answer to.

*Today’s example:  “Cameron, please do not lick the towel”.

We did some heavy household cleaning this weekend.  Well…I say “we” loosely.  I was mainly in charge of distracting children and moving heavy things.  Anyway, one of my tasks was to clean the windows, which led me to ask the following question:

“How do you get crayon off of a window screen?”

I had never thought this before.  Hell, in all my crayoning days, I never even considered a mesh window (or door) screen as a canvas for my artwork.

Thankfully, the friendly algorithms at Google were there for me in my time of need.

A healthy spritzing of WD-40, followed by a paper towel does a surprisingly good job of removing crayon from a screen.

Now, I need to find out how to remove WD-40 from the hosta below the window.

Thought of the Day – 4/30/2014 – Umbrellas (U)

Now that springtime has officially (and finally) arrived in Nebraska, we have been getting a lot of rain.

Yesterday, I was out running errands over lunch when it started raining hard.  I almost always have an umbrella in my car for such a situation, but for some reason I could not find it.

This left me with two choices:

1) Use my daughter’s mini Hello Kitty umbrella that is very pink and definitely not designed for use by a grown man.

-or-

2) Do a mad dash through the parking lot, knowing that my afternoon would consist of sitting in meetings with damp clothes.

Besides, if you don't have the galoshes, what's the point?

Besides, if you don’t have the galoshes, what’s the point?

24 hours later and I think my jeans have almost completely dried.

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(Author’s note:  Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post?  Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge?  Like clicking on links?  These questions are all answered here.)

Thought of the Day – 4/17/2014 – Omelets (O)

I’m thinking about making a special breakfast for Easter morning.

Bacon (of course).  Toast, or maybe English muffins.  And the star of the show:  omelets, albeit with a special Easter twist…

Instead of regular store-bought eggs I’m going to use Cadbury Creme Eggs.

Cadbury Creme Egg

Breakfast of champions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sure, the kids will probably be in diabetic comas for most of the morning, but think of the deliciousness.

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(Author’s note:  Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post?  Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge?  Like clicking on links?  These questions are all answered here.)

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Thought of the Day – 4/8/2014 – Goodnight Gorilla (G)

The watchman/security guard/zookeeper in the children’s book Goodnight Gorilla is one of the most oblivious characters in literary history.

A gorilla steals your keys, lets out all of the other animals, follows you home, gets in your bed (next to your wife), and you don’t notice?

I get being tired and wanting sleep (which, coincidentally, happens pretty much every time I read it), but seriously dude there is a lion on the floor in your bedroom.

Get it together.

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(Author’s note:  Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post?  Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge?  Like clicking on links?  These questions are all answered here.)

Thought of the Day – 12/30/12 – Chopsticks

I have an irrational disdain for chopsticks.

Not the beginner’s piano song (although that is kinda annoying too), but the stick utensils people use when they eat Chinese food.

I think the practice is dumb.  Why?

You don’t use chopsticks any other time.  Why not whip out the ol’ sticks at your favorite Mexican place?  Or when mom makes her meatloaf with mac & cheese?

Why is that?  Is it because the utensils you normally use are superior for the task of transporting food from plate to pie hole than chopsticks?  Yep, they sure are.

It is incredibly impractical.  For the non-dexterous among us, eating with chopsticks is very tough (unless you employ the “stab” method).  Even if you can catch a fly in midair Miyagi style, good luck cleaning your plate without using your hands.

Chinese food does not taste any better when eaten with bamboo (or plastic) sticks than it does with a metal (or plastic) fork.  Now I can understand if you are actually IN CHINA, or maybe even the Chinatown* area of a major city that you would use chopsticks to get the full cultural experience.

*In my travels, Chinatown districts still have a fork waiting for you on the table.

It begs the question:  If I’m in China and I go to a restaurant that serves Italian, Mexican, or some other non-Chinese cuisine, do they provide forks for the locals to use?

Thought of the Day – 9/12/13 – Swaddle Me, Part II

(Apparently, swaddling is on my mind today.  Here is Part I).

I really suck at swaddling our daughter.

Despite my best efforts, tips from my wife, and watching YouTube videos, my attempts are usually a train wreck.  I either cover her up like a mummy or make it so her arms break free in 12 seconds.  In general, my swaddles end up looking like I wadded up a blanket and threw it at my infant daughter.

This made me think:  certain businesses should offer swaddling assistance to new parents.

Think about it:  You and baby head down to the neighborhood burrito place (Chipotle, Qdoba, etc).

Baby gets wrapped up safe and tight by a professional with thousands of hours of experience.

Daddy gets a delicious carnitas burrito.

That, my friends, may be the ultimate definition of win/win.

Don’t call the authorities – this is not my kid (thanks Google!)

 

Thought of the Day – 9/12/13 – Swaddle Me

The idea of swaddling babies is odd to me.

I understand the benefits (maintains their temperature, helps them feel safe, comforts them, leads to longer, better sleep, etc.), but the concept is so foreign.

You know that old joke about the first person to milk a cow (and specifically, what the heck were they doing?) – I find swaddling to be in that same vein.

Who thought:  “You know, we should take our precious and incredibly fragile baby and put her in a straight jacket while we sleep.”?  This is the kind of logic that can only come from sleep-deprived new parents.

Nighty, night, Baby! Sweet dreams!

This leads me to a follow-up question:  when is it no longer appropriate to swaddle a child?  I know that I’d like to keep my 4-year-old from waking up a 6:30 on a Saturday morning.  And a good swaddle will probably be really important during her teenage years.

Thought of the Day – 08/11/2013 – Money for Naked Ladies

Did the Barenaked Ladies ever earn a million dollars?  Given their long careers and success, I’m guessing they did.  So assuming they have made at least a million bucks, did they buy all of the things they said they would get (such as a nice chesterfield, pre-wrapped sausages, a Garfunkel, or a green dress*)?

*But not a real green dress, that’s cruel.

I truly hope they did.  And not just because they’d be hypocrites for not doing the things they said they’d do from the very song that helped them earn a good chunk of their money – but seriously, why tell me you’re going to buy a monkey if you’re not going to do it, unless maybe your lease doesn’t allow pets.

Stack O'Money!

No, I hope they are enjoying fancy Dijon ketchups and such, because those of us who are not millionaires expect those of you with money to do the things we cannot – enjoy the finer things that your hard work (or your cheesy pop song) helped earn.

Besides, haven’t you always wanted a monkey?

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