Thought of the Day – 6/30/2015 – Paxton’s Paradox

Imagine an empty room.

It is a smaller room, approximately eight feet by ten feet with the ceiling at an average height.

The walls and ceiling are perfectly white – so unblemished you can almost smell the paint in the air.

The floor is wall to wall linoleum in an equally pristine shade of white.

There are no windows, but the room is well-lit from the ceiling.

In the middle of the room, there is a small table.  It too, is white.

On top of the table sit three items:

• A brand new loaf of store-bought sliced bread*.
• A half-empty jar of peanut butter
• A stainless steel butter knife.

*Ironically, the bread is whole grain wheat; not white.  But that is irrelevant.

Nothing else is in the room.

I guarantee that if you placed me in this room and asked me to make a peanut butter sandwich I would not be able to locate the bag clip or twist-tie used to close the bread bag – especially it if said clip or tie was any color other than white.

*Random factoid:  in many cases, the color of the bag tag or twist-tie relates to when the bread was packaged.  This is Snopes verified, people.

After frantically searching the all white room for the blue twist-tie or sea-foam green bag clip*, I would give up and just spin the loaf real fast to close it.

Finally, after notifying the bag clip’s next of kin, I decide to move on and enjoy my sandwich.  As I raise my PB-sans-J to my lips, I’ll spot the bag clip or tie right where I left it.

Exactly where I had looked 87 times in the last five minutes.

*   *   *

Author’s note:  The title “Paxton’s Paradox” is an obscure reference to Mr. Floyd Paxton, owner of Kwik Lok Corporation – the company that makes the plastic bag clips.

Thought of the (Snow) Day – 2/4/2015

With snow continuing to fall in beautiful Lincoln, NE, today is the second snow day of the week for local students of public and parochial schools.  But it raises the question:

Do home-schooled kids get snow days too?

When the snow flies, do they get a one-day reprieve from tests and homework?  Do they get to hang out in their jammies and watch The Price is Right* the way we did when we were growing up?  Or is it just another day for them?

*Even if The Price is Right is just not the same with Drew Carey.

Regardless of how one feels about the pros and cons of home school, I would hope those kids get to experience the unbridled optimism that a few flakes of snow can lead to instant vacation, as well as the Christmas morning-like excitement that comes from hearing/seeing your school’s name followed by the word “CLOSED”.

Thought of the Day – 12/15/2014 – Pick up the Pieces

A marketing tip to help you from wasting your money this holiday season:

Almost without fail, if a product’s packaging touts the number of pieces you’re getting (“24 piece set!”  “72 pieces!”  “101 pieces!”), at least a quarter of those pieces are complete garbage or things that you will never, ever, ever use.

Even the world’s greatest mechanic or craftsman is probably not going to use all of the sockets and screwdrivers and whatnot in that big tool set.

Do you even know what all of those tiny spoons and forks are for in your set of formal tableware?

Unless you want your preteen niece to look like a rodeo clown, do not get her a big kit with 83 different colors of eye shadow.

Seriously, go for quality over quantity.

 

Thought of the Day – 11/25/2014 – Drive Thru Bacon

Here’s the deal:  It’s damn near 1 am on a Tuesday and I’m fighting the urge to cook up some bacon*

*Why?  Because a man’s desire for bacon is not restricted by concepts of time and space.  Said desire is primal.

But cooking bacon at 1 am on a school night is  rather silly.  I don’t want the noise, the grease, the clean up, the chance that one of the kids might wake up and want my bacon.

My thought is that there should be a way I can have bacon with no muss and very little fuss – and I’m not talking about that pre-cooked stuff in the box or jar of bacon bits.  So here is a million dollar idea that somebody should jump on:

Drive Thru Bacon restaurants.  Drive up, place your order, pull ahead to the second window, pay and be on your way with a Two Slice Snacker, a Big Bacon Combo, or a Super Swine Sampler featuring multiple varieties of bacon.

And I’m not talking about the crappy bacon some restaurants put on a burger or that wafer thin crap you get in a hotel. I’m talking about some quality, thick cut stuff, possibly peppered or maybe with a hint of maple.

Somebody needs to get on this.  Now.

Thought of the Day – 11/4/2014 – You Get What They Paid For

If I paid $50,000 for the opportunity to get hired as a minimum wage cashier at McDonald’s, you’d either think I was a moron or I had some shady plan in place to make my money back.

Yet, we don’t think anything of candidates who spend tens of thousands of dollars for an office that pays $12,000, plus per diem (Nebraska legislature) or millions for an office that pays $174,000 (U.S. House and Senate).

So are we electing morons or are these elected officials recouping their losses?

I approve this message

Thought of the Day – 11/3/2014 – Daylight Savings

For many people – and especially those with young kids – Daylight Saving Time is nothing more than government mandated jet lag.  You go to sleep in Chicago, wake up in Cheyenne, and spend the rest of the week trying to figure out where you are and what time it is.

Thought of the Day – 10/14/2014 – Doors

When I go out to the local Big Box store, I’m always fascinated by the people who refuse to open a door for themselves.

Nothing is more American than walking out of your way to use an automatic door.

Thought of the Day – 9/13/2014 – Meatloaf

Did we ever figure out what exactly it is that Meatloaf will not do for love?

These are the things I think about while I try to get daughter down for her nap.

Thought of the Day: 7/4/2014 – Recording the Boom

It’s just not the same, is it? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A public service announcement from Feit Can Write:

When you’re out watching fireworks tonight, resist the urge to record them with your phone.  Seriously, don’t.

• The resulting video almost always sucks, and never approaches the awesomeness of being there live.  Never.
• Unless redneck Uncle Wayne is lighting them off, the odds of capturing a viral moment are lottery-esque.
• You’re never going to watch that video again.  Seriously, how many times have you watched that video from Independence Day 2011?

Instead, put your phone/camera down.  Enjoy the night air.  Breathe in the childhood memories triggered by fireworks smoke.  Think of the men and women who have served and sacrificed for your freedom.  Appreciate the irony of celebrating the quintessential American holiday with fireworks from China.  Or just get lost in the sensory delight of bright colors, loud noises, and James Brown’s “Living in America”.

What I’m saying is live in the moment.  You’ll enjoy life a lot more if you do.

And if you really, really need to see a video you can find several thousand on YouTube tomorrow morning.

Thought of the Day – 6/30/2014 – Helmets

A random thought from somebody who thinks about football 365 days a year and is encountering a lot of motorcycles in my daily travels:

Why do you rarely (if ever) see motorcycle helmets designed to resemble college or professional football helmets?  I’m not talking about a guy on a motorcycle wearing a football helmet, but rather a motorcycle helmet that has the paint and decals of the rider’s favorite college or NFL team.

Google tells me that such helmet designs exist (see here, here, and here) but I cannot remember ever seeing one on the streets.  That strikes me as odd, especially considering the national popularity of the NFL as well as the borderline obsession my fellow Nebraskans have for our Cornhuskers.  I can’t believe that I don’t encounter motorcyclists wearing a helmet done up to look like the Huskers, Chiefs, Packers, Bears, Broncos, Wildcats, or other local favorite teams every single day.

The closest thing to a Nebraska helmet I could find.

Riders, let me know.  Are sports branded helmets not widely available?  Are they too expensive?  Or would you rather ride in a standard black lid than one that looks like your favorite team’s helmet?