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Feit Can Write Interview: Tunnel Walk of Shame

*Author’s note:  I’m posting this interview both here on Feit Can Write, as well as on HuskerMax.com.  Which site should you read it on?

  • If you want the PG version, (or want to help me earn fractions of a penny per page view), click here to read this on HuskerMax.   
  • If you want the unedited version, where the word “shit” isn’t replaced with [expletive], then read on.

I’ve got a special treat today.

Last year, a co-worker asked if I had ever seen a website called “Tunnel Walk of Shame”.  At the time, I had not.  Five minutes later I’m laughing to the point of tears coming down my face.

For those who are unfamiliar with the site, TWOS is what the creator calls a “web comic”.  In simplistic terms, he takes a bunch of pictures of Husker players and coaches, imposes text on them, and puts them into a slide show, creating a story.  He posts a new one on www.tunnelwalkofshame.com* the day before every Nebraska game.  The comics contain many recurring characters and running gags that make the whole thing funnier every time you read it.

If you don't read this, you must start.  Seriously.

If you don’t read this, you must start. Seriously.

*If you haven’t seen TWOS, it is worth noting that the comics often contain language that you may not want displayed on your monitor in 48 point font.

To put it another way:  the standard TWOS comic contains more f-bombs than Bo Pelini being secretly recorded.

For those of you wanting to know “Who writes Tunnel Walk of Shame?”, you’re not going to find that answer here.  The lone condition for this interview was to not reveal his identity.

But don’t click away yet – the responses he gives are terrific:  thoughtful, honest, funny, and from a perspective that gets how utterly ridiculous it is to live and die and obsess about 18 – 22-year-old kids.  Personally, I think Husker fans could truly be the “Greatest Fans in College Football” if more people adopted his viewpoint.

Buckle up and let’s have some fun…

Why You Shouldn’t Take A Girl To Perkins For A First Date

A little background on this one…

The lovely Mrs. Feit Can Write came to me with a request and a story:  an intern at her company had managed to land a date with one of the other interns.  For their first date, he was planning to take her to Perkins.  Yes….that Perkins.

My wife and her co-workers tried to explain to the young lad why this was such a bad idea – especially if he hoped to get a second date.  Unfortunately, they struggled to eloquently articulate* why this was a bad plan in words besides “Why?” and “Dear God, no.”

*Mrs. Feit Can Write is a self-proclaimed “numbers girl”.  She works with other numbers people doing a number-centric job that quite frankly, I don’t understand.  I think she is a transponster, but I’m not really sure.  I’m secretly hoping she gets a new job so I can once again understand what she does all day.

After Mrs. Feit Can Write explained the situation, she asked me to take on a freelance writing assignment:  Provide her a list of 10 reasons why you just don’t take a first date to Perkins.  We negotiated a fair price for my work*, and I set out to create the list below.

*Lunch with my lady, and permission to publish here.  It goes to show that if you are in need of freelance writing, I am willing to work cheap.  If you need a talented writer cheap, let me know.

So without further ado, I give you:

Why you don’t take a first date to Perkins:

  1. Typically, you buy them breakfast AFTER the first date, not as the first date.
  2. You’re not 75.
  3. Perkins doesn’t serve alcohol, so she can’t drink you handsome.
  4. Nothing says romance like the Perkins crowd of drunks, elderly, and um…who else goes to Perkins again?
  5. If your thing is “breakfast served all day” chain restaurants (and what girl doesn’t LOVE that?) you should take her to Denny’s so you can use menu items like “Grand Slam” and “Moons Over My Hammy” as the basis for sexual innuendo.
  6. Egg farts are not sexy – especially from her.
  7. Perkins is more a second date place.  For a first date you want to impress her with pie, which means Village Inn.
  8. You don’t want her to be disappointed with the size or quality of the sausage.
  9. McDonald’s has a perfectly good breakfast menu, allowing you to save your precious money for eHarmony after this girl dumps you.
  10. Because you would like to have a second date.

As of this post, I know that the intern has seen the list.  However, I do not know if he has been convinced to take this girl somewhere better like Olive Garden, Hi-Way Diner, or the Tastee Inn & Out.

Insider Tips: Beat Telemarketers and Phone Solicitors at Their Own Game

Even with the introduction of the National Do Not Call Registry in 2003, millions of Americans receive unwanted calls from telemarketers and phone solicitors.  Why?  Loopholes in the Do Not Call legislation allow for political candidates, non-profit organizations, and companies with whom you have an existing business relationship to call you.  Nobody likes getting these calls, but fortunately there are ways you can beat the telemarketers at their own game. 

Sample Press Release – Dave Feit Added to HuskerMax.com Roster of Writers

Press releases are an excellent and cost-effective communication tool.  Announce promotions, new product lines, mergers, milestones, or a number of pieces of news within your business, non-profit, or group.  The intention is to share your news with the media, be it local (newspapers, radio, television), regional, and/or national (social networks, blogs, search engines, etc.) so they in turn share your news with their audience, creating excellent (and free) press for your company where you control the message.

Feit Can Write can help you flesh out ideas for press  releases, craft a release that meets the necessary standards, is newspaper-friendly (i.e. ready to print with little to no revisions), and will present your news in a positive, professional light.

The sample press release below is announcing a new hire (my addition as a contributing writer for HuskerMax.com, widely recognized as the destination for news and information on the Nebraska Cornhuskers).  New hire announcements make great releases, as they recognize the talent you have added while promoting your company and growth at the same time.

Contact me to discuss how a press release can work for you.

 

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Contact: 
Dave Feit
Feit Can Write
402-310-3742
d_feiter@hotmail.com
www.feitcanwrite.wordpress.com

HuskerMax.com Adds Feit to Roster of Husker Commentators

Lincoln, NE – September 6, 2011 – Leading Nebraska Cornhusker website HuskerMax.com added Dave Feit to their already impressive roster of contributing writers today.  Feit will post regular content throughout the 2011 football season, including game recaps, analysis, opinion, and humor. 

HuskerMax.com co-founder David Max was quick to bring Feit on board after reading Feit’s Husker commentary and other writings found on his personal blog.  The addition of Feit brings the number of HuskerMax contributors to eight – including Max, Tad Stryker, Ken Jarecke, and former Husker I-Back Calvin Jones. 

Feit’s first article, a review and critique of the Huskers’ season opener against Tennessee-Chattanooga, was posted on Tuesday.  It features sections highlighting key questions that were answered, as well as things still unknown after the first game.  Feit also recognizes five Huskers for their outstanding performances, and notes five areas for improvement.

In 2011, HuskerMax has strengthened its position as the place to find “everything you ever wanted to know about the Huskers”.  In addition to the new contributing writers, HuskerMax.com has partnered with NRG Media radio stations KLIN-1400 in Lincoln and KOZN-1620 in Omaha to provide exclusive content for the site, including podcasts, reports, and columns.  Max said, “We always knew that HuskerMax was a great web resource and web community for Husker fans. Now we can take it to the next level.”

For information:  www.feitcanwrite.wordpress.com or
Contact:  d_feiter@hotmail.com
Phone:  402-310-3742

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