Rejected Food Cannons

On Wednesday, the University of Nebraska – Omaha hockey team announced that their 2015-2016 home games will feature a taco cannon –  a glorious combination of compressed air, delicious meats, tortillas, and ‘Merican engineering.

Someone will take a taco to the face. pic.twitter.com/MOqwzJ5elC

— Voodoo Taco (@TacoVoodoo) April 22, 2015

With this new addition, the University of Nebraska system* is now a leader in firing free food to fans.  The University of Nebraska – Lincoln has featured Der Viener Schlinger, a giant hot dog gun, for almost 20 years.

*Hey, University of Nebraska – Kearney.  Where you at?  What delicious foodstuff are you shooting at your fans?  If you want to join Lincoln and Omaha in D-1 grandeur, you need to step up your game.

I’m trying to wrap my head around the logistics of firing a taco from a air-powered cannon.  Having caught a hot dog from Der Viener Schlinger a few years back, I can attest that not all foods are ideal for being fired 100 feet into the air.  The dog I received was in a Ziploc bag, taped closed (presumably, for maximum aerodynamic efficiency), and looked crumpled and sad.  The good news is the journey from the sideline to row 47 had no impact on the taste.

The better question is:  What other foods were considered as cannon fodder?  What delicacies sounded good in theory, but failed in testing (they do test these things, right?)  Luckily, the cousin of a friend of a guy I know from a thing runs the Zamboni for UNO Mavericks game.  He gave me a rundown on the food cannons that were rejected:

The research team hard at work in the lab (image via technabob.com)

•  Spam.
• Jumbo shrimp cocktails (naturally, an oversized gun operated by a midget, with cocktail sauce chaser).
• Personal pizzas, fired by a clay pigeon thrower.  (Skeet shooter not included).
• Snow cones.
• Eggs (“Why do they always come scrambled?”)
• Turducken.

“Heads up!  Turducken a comin’!”

•  Spaghetti and meatballs.
• Pho
• Nachos.  (Think tortilla chips fired from a shotgun, followed by a water gun blast of piping hot cheese sauce.  Want jalapeno with that?)
• Watermelons

It never gets old.

 

• Salad.  (Attempts to “ramp up” your mom’s Salad Shooter did not go well).

Nebraskans can have theirs with Dorothy Lynch. (photo via morbidholiday.com)

•  Cans of soda or beer

• For weddings, there is the Rice Cannon, which plays Pachelbel’s Canon in D.
• Whole roasted pigs

It’s still good, it’s still good!

 

Top 10 Things Harder Than Being A Pelini in Nebraska

On Wednesday, it was reported that former Nebraska defensive coordinator (and fired Florida Atlantic head coach) Carl Pelini had expressed interest in coaching a high school football team in Des Moines, Iowa.

In an interview with the Des Moines Register, Pelini explained his interest (he wants a job that allows him to be relatively close to his children in Nebraska).  He also gave some insight into the recluse-esque lifestyle he’s led since being fired from FAU:

“I came back to Lincoln (Neb.), kept to myself. I don’t even go to restaurants,” he said. “I spend (almost) 100 percent of time with my children, I teach school at the community college here. For about 15 months, I just have lived liked a hermit.”

Jokes aside, I do feel for the guy.  Say what you will about some of the choices he has (allegedly) made, it still sucks to not be able to do the thing you love and want to do.  Plus, it would be really hard to live in a city like Lincoln and not enjoy some of the wonderful local restaurants (Honest Abe’s, C. Berry’s, Lazarri’s, Sebastian’s Table, and Lazlos, to name a few).

But there was one quote from the interview that left a bad taste in my mouth:

“It’s hard to be a Pelini in Nebraska.”

Setting aside the obvious fact that nobody is forcing the architect of Carlfense to reside in the Good Life (or whatever we’re calling it this year), the simple fact remains that there are things harder to be in Nebraska than a Pelini.

Without further ado, I give you the Top Ten Things Harder Than Being A Pelini In Nebraska:

10.  Being an (alleged) adulterer and drug user trying to write a children’s book in Nebraska.

9.  Being a Jaysker in Nebraska.

8.  Being a liberal democrat in Nebraska.

7.  Being a fan of consistent, moderate weather in Nebraska.

6.  Being a fan of Iowa Hawkeye football in Nebraska.

5.  Being a flamboyant homosexual in Nebraska.

4.  Being a homosexual in a committed relationship in Nebraska.

3.  Being a hater of Nebraska football in Nebraska.

2.  Being unable to find work when your last job didn’t pay $472,500 a year in Nebraska.

1.  Being a Cosgrove, Pederson, or Callahan in Nebraska.

Parental Rites of Passage

There are certain things that all parents of babies and young children experience.  Parental “Rites of Passage”, if you will.  As a father of three small children (six and younger), I can assure you that a great many of these come from personal experience.

• An up the back diaper blowout.

• A “Code Brown” in the bathtub.

• Being spit up on.

• Being puked on / catching a child’s vomit in your hands.

• Being away from home without a necessary item (diapers/bottle/pacifier/beloved toy).

• Showering with an audience.
• Child wanders off in a store.
• Using the toilet while soothing a crying child on your lap.

• Driving down the road with one hand while the other is blindly reaching into the back seat to get something for the kids.
• Child says something horribly inappropriate in public.
• Having to leave somewhere (store, church, restaurant, etc.) because of a screaming child.
• Knowingly going to work with your child’s spit-up, snot, poop, tears, or other substance on your clothes.
• A child has an accident while you’re out, and you have no backup clothes.
• Throwing away / donating a toy in working condition simply because you can’t stand to listen to it anymore.
• Lying to your child about what happened to that toy.
• Going for a drive in the middle of the night because that is the only way a screaming child will go to sleep.
• Using an expression, saying, or threat that your parents used on you.

Parents, what other rites of passage have you experienced?

Ten Things Everybody Should Know About Adoption

Adoption is a truly amazing thing – it takes children and places them with loving parents, creating a beautiful family.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions, myths, and out-dated notions about adoption out there.  In celebration of National Adoption Month, as well as an attempt to provide friendly information and education for those whose lives have not been enriched by adoption, here are ten things you need to know:

1.  Never, ever, ever say an adopted child was “given up” for adoption. 

Be honest, we’ve all done it:  you’re talking about an adopted child and you say “Did you know that So-And-So was given up for adoption?”  Or you’re talking about a parent/relative/co-worker who “gave up” a child for adoption.

Please, stop doing that.

Think about it:  what do people give away?  We give away things without value or that we have no use for anymore.  I have never met a child who is without value.  A better option is to say the child was “placed” for adoption or a birth mother “made an adoption plan”.  These phrases more accurately reflect the painful reality:  placing your baby with another couple, whom you likely have never met, is one of the hardest, and yet most loving, decisions a woman can make.  And no child should grow up thinking he or she was discarded by their biological family, like an old couch set out on the curb.

Is avoiding “given up” another example of an ultra-sensitive, politically correct culture?  Some folks would say yes, but I’m guessing those same people would take a swing at me if I implied their biological children had no value.  My wife says it best:  “Please don’t say ‘you were given up’ to my child.  No, you, little girl, were created by God for a reason, and your mommy and daddy love you soooo much.”

2.  Families adopt for many different reasons.  When we were checking out daycares for our daughter, we met with a provider who told us that she typically did not accept adopted children.  As she put it, adoptive families “are so desperate for a child that they do not believe in discipline.”  Luckily for us, she could “tell that we were different.”  Needless to say, we did not entrust our child to this whack job.

There are millions of adoptive parents, each with their own personal tale of why they chose to adopt.  Yes, many families adopt in part because they are unable to conceive a biological child.  Infertility was one of the primary reasons we chose to adopt.  But do not assume adoption is some kind of “Plan B” to only be pursued once all available infertility options are exhausted.  Adoption was always on the table for us, even if we had a biological child.  We left several fertility options unexplored to pursue adoption because it was right for us.

Simply put, some are called by religious beliefs, some want to help a child, others want to enrich their family with a child from a different race, culture, or country.  There is no one size fits all reason.  Whatever the reason, adoption is a wonderful decision.

3.  Adoption can be incredibly expensive.  According to Adoptive Families magazine, the average cost to adopt a newborn domestically through an agency can range from $20,000 – $35,000.  Those costs include agency fees, costs to process paperwork and background checks, birth mother expenses (such as rent, food, and utilities), travel expenses to wherever the child is born, and much more.  International adoptions are typically even more expensive due to additional agency fees, the red tape of dealing with two governments, and more expensive travel costs.

Yes, the IRS does currently provide a tax credit for adoptive families ($12,970 per child) but that does not cover all of the expenses, nor does it put the money in your account when you need to write a really big check to your agency.

Some folks are lucky enough to work for a company that offers an adoption benefit (a few hundred to several thousand dollars) to help defray adoption expenses.  If your company does not have adoption benefits, encourage them to start.

4.  BUT…never say “you’re buying a baby” or “how much did your baby cost?”  If you want to be truly technical, yes:  adoptive parents do pay money to an agency (or other entity) for assistance in bringing a child into their home.

Of course, biological parents also pay money to different entities for assistance in providing their child.  Yet nobody asks the biological parent how much their numerous fertility treatments were, how much their doctor or mid-wife cost, or what they spent on the case of Keystone Light the night their precious little angel was conceived.

If you are curious about the costs that go into an adoption, ask a family that has adopted, check out adoptivefamilies.com, or use Google.  All are much better options than being rude and disrespectful.

5.  Adoptive parents are “real” parents.  

Here’s the deal:  my wife and I are caucasian with blondish-brown hair.  Our oldest daughter has a darker complexion with stunningly beautiful dark curly hair.  Our son and youngest daughter are African-American and will likely tower over us someday.  This disparity often leads to a variation of the question “Who/where are their real parents?”

These children may not have lived in my wife’s uterus for 9 months*, but she is their “real mom”.  She is the one who gets up with them at 3 am, changes their diapers, gets thrown up on, and does anything and everything that a “real mom” does – unless of course, their “real dad” is the one doing it.  Oh yeah, and it is our names on the birth certificates.

*Honey, I’m sorry for writing about your uterus on the internet.  It won’t happen again 🙂

I say this with absolutely no disrespect to the biological parents (a.k.a. “birth parents”, “first parents”, “bio mom”, or other titles) of our children.  Those two amazing women will never fully know the depth of our love for them, our gratitude for being chosen by them, and how blessed we are to raise their beautiful babies.

In reality, our children have two sets of “real” parents – the ones whose DNA they share, and us, the ones who handle their care.

6.  Adoption is not a cure for infertility.  I wish I had a dollar* for every person who has said “Now that you have adopted, you’ll be getting pregnant” or has shared the story of their co-worker’s cousin’s brother’s neighbor who adopted and got pregnant a few months later.  Sure it happens, but it is not like adoption magically triggers some “mom gene” that allows pregnancy to occur.

*And if I had that dollar for each time, my wife would not have had to skimp and save so much to pay for our second adoption.

7.  Despite what you have seen on TV or in the movies, adoptive parents are not concerned about the birth family trying to steal the child away.  The laws vary from state to state, but most are pretty similar to this:  once the birth mother signs the consent (which in many places cannot happen until at least 48 hours after birth) the decision is final and legally binding – her parental rights are terminated.  In other words, once she signs the consents, a birth mother has as much legal right to your biological child as she does to her own.  I know that makes for a pretty boring Lifetime movie, but that is the reality.

But if we’re talking about things that adoptive parents do worry about:  it is the birth mother deciding to parent the child before the consent paperwork is signed.  That is her choice, her right, and it does happen quite a bit (I’ve read about 30% of the time).  When that happens, it can be devastating for the adoptive family who has gone through a long and grueling process and is leaving broken-hearted and childless.  Trust me, it sucks.

8.  Most domestic adoptions are now “open”.  Another great TV and movie stereotype:  the adoptee grows up and somehow finds out that his “real mom” was living in the same town all along.  They meet for a tearful reunion, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Certainly, that happened in the past.  Most adoptions used to be “closed” where the birth mother’s identity was not known, or was locked in a file that was impossibly hard to unseal.  Or maybe the birth mom was not sure which family had adopted her child, or did not know where they were at.

But today, most domestic adoptions are considered “open”, where some sort of connection and relationship exists between the birth mom (or other members of the birth family) and the adoptee and/or adoptive family.  Open relationships can run the gambit from a letter and some pictures each year, to regular social media contact, to weekly visits and calls.  It really depends on the parties involved and what is in the best interest of the child.

These types of relationships are beneficial for all parties involved.  The relationships don’t always happen overnight – it can take time for the bonds to grow and strengthen – but the payoff is much better than birth mother and child meeting for the first time when the child turns 18.

9.  The process to get approved to adopt is long, costly, and frustrating.  Here’s a secret frustration of many prospective adoptive parents:  they want nothing more to adopt, but they have to jump through dozens of hoops to prove their personal, financial, medical, and legal worthiness to be parents.  Meanwhile, the news is always finding stories about the unemployed 22-year-old single mom who has 3 kids, and is pregnant with #4, parents accused of child abuse or neglect, or the big national story when we were starting our first adoption:  OctoMom.  For a domestic adoption through an agency, we needed:

• Complete biographical information
• A copy of our marriage license
• A letter from our employers stating our salary and job stability
• A complete financial statement – including a list of assets and debts and a monthly budget
• Copies of our recent tax returns
• A physical and report from our doctor stating we were free from major illness
• Vaccination records for all of our pets
• A local criminal history check
• Two sets of fingerprints
• A national criminal background check
• Consents to verify that we are not on any sex offender registries or child abuse/neglect registries
• Four hours of interviews and a house inspection by a social worker
• Four letters of recommendation from our friends.

Aside from inducing carpal tunnel syndrome, many of these steps have fees attached to them.  If we were adopting internationally, the process would be longer, more complex, and subject to the unpredictability of a potentially unstable foreign government.  There is a reason that this is a popular mantra in the adoption community.

Throughout the process, you try to remind yourself that it is all necessary to ensure children are placed in safe, loving homes, but that doesn’t stop the frustration when you see those stories or fill out yet another form.

10.  Adoptive families typically LOVE to tell you their adoption stories and are willing to discuss adoption with other families who are considering it.  We faced a bit of a challenge when we first started considering adoption:  we did not immediately know of other adoptive parents that we could talk with to learn about the process, get their advice, and hear about the good and the bad.  None of our friends had adopted.  Aside from an uncle who adopted internationally over 10 years ago, we did not have family that we could reach out to.

So we expanded our search, and ended up talking with two couples:  one of my wife’s co-workers and a Facebook friend I had not seen since college.  Both were incredibly generous with their time, telling us their amazing stories and patiently answering all of our questions.

In short, if you are considering adoption or just have questions, reach out to somebody who has been through it.  The odds are very good that they will cherish the opportunity to talk to you.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll throw it out there again:  if you have adoption questions or want to get some basic information from folks who have been there, feel free to drop me a line at feitcanwrite (at) hotmail.com.  I won’t have all the answers, but I’ll gladly help.

Rejected Freedom Trophies

Nebraska and Wisconsin unveiled the “Freedom Trophy” that both teams will play for on Saturday.  The bronze trophy has a football stadium (half of Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium, and half of Wisconsin’s Camp Randall) with a giant American flag blowing above it.  It is breathtaking in it’s generic beauty, forced patriotism, and lack of meaningful connection to the two schools.

But the current Freedom Trophy was not the only design considered by the Big Ten’s Nondescript Trophy Committee.  They also considered several other freedom-inspired trophies including:

• A 40 pound bronze bust of Husker freshman tight end Freedom Akinmoladun.
• Free tuition awarded to any Wisconsin or Nebraska student who can correctly spell “Akinmoladun”.
• A slightly used cassette tape of George Michael’s “Freedom ’90” from Barry Alvarez’s glove box.
• A bald eagle wearing an Uncle Sam top hat, clutching Hitler and Bin Laden in its talons.
• A stuffed Bucky Badger wearing a Free LP shirt.
• A bronze sculpture of Mount Rushmore that plays “America F__ Yeah!” when you press George Washington’s nose.
• a 1:100 scale replica of the NYC Freedom Tower.  Measuring 17.76 feet, it is the tallest trophy in sports.
• The Heroes Trophy (presented by Hy-Vee!) with “Iowa” and “Heroes” crossed out and replaced with “Wisconsin” and “Freedom”.
• A football helmet filled with Freedom Fries.
• A paper mache head painted to look like Mel Gibson in Braveheart.  If you pull the mullet, it recites the classic “Freedom” speech.
  

  I’d rather play for this meme than the actual Freedom Trophy.

• A VHS copy of Rocky IV, recorded from WGN, circa 1996.
• A statue of Abraham Lincoln (the “father of freedom”) wearing a badger head and stove-pipe hat.
• A bumper sticker that says “Merica – Love It Or Leave It.”
• The keys to every home and business in Freedom, Wisconsin (pop. 5,942).

1-800-Name Brand Facial Tissue

Today, I grabbed a new box of Kleenex for my desk.  As I was removing the cardboard tab on top of the box, I noticed a toll-free customer service number for Kleenex.

This wasn’t some number buried at the bottom of a bunch of text in 5 point font.  Kleenex put their number (800-553-3639)* front and center on the tab, in a relatively large font, along with their hours (weekdays, 8 am to 4 pm, Central time).

*It was about halfway through writing this post that it dawned on me that 800-533-3639 is also 1-800-KLEENEX.  You’d think they would have gone with that.

My question is why?  Why does this number exist?  Why do people call it?  Why?

I feel very bad for the poor folks who have to man this phone line.  Imagine the calls they get and the kooks they have to deal with.

I’m guessing the top ten calls at the Kleenex hotline are as follows:

10.  “How do you fold those Kleenex in there so nicely?”

9.  “Will these protect me against Ebola?”

8.  “When are you going to admit defeat on trying to have us refer to your product as a ‘facial tissue’?  You know that like 95% of Americans know your product as a Kleenex, right?”

7.  “How many tissues do I need to stuff in my bra to become a C cup?”

6.  “How many times can I reuse this before I get snot all over my hands?”

I should call and let them know how much I am enjoying this!

5.  “Are these machine washable?”

4.  “I’m wrapping a present.  Can I use these tissues as a substitute for tissue paper?”

3.  “Yeah, this box says it contains 140 tissues.  I only counted 139.  Can you issue me a refund?  Oh wait, What’s that Mildred?  Two came out at the same time?  Okay, never mind.”

2.  Way too descriptive calls from folks concerned about the color, volume, viscosity of nasal discharge – all resulting in “you’d better call a doctor”.

1.  “Hi, I’m out of toilet paper and saw this box on top of the toilet.  Can I….”

Rejected Pumpkin Spice Products

Fall used to be a simple time.  Back to school.  Football season.  Halloween and Thanksgiving.

But in recent years, fall has been replaced.  The change of season marking the end of summer is can be summed up in two words:

Pumpkin Spice.

The return of the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte is a highly anticipated event and generates a cult-like following.  Eager to cash in, food and drink makers are all rushing to put out a pumpkin spice version of their product.  So far, I’ve seen Oreos, M&M’s, bagels, non-dairy creamer, and dozens of other products aimed at pumpkin spice fanatics.

How brand managers think in autumn.

Unfortunately, not all pumpkin spice products are home runs.  Some are horrible failures.  For example:

• Pumpkin Spice Brussels Sprouts
• Starkist Pumpkin Spice tuna
• Totino’s Pumpkin Spice Party Pizza
• Pumpkin Spice McRib
• Chlorox Pumpkin Spice Bleach
• Pumpkin Spice Coke
• Pumpkin Spice Rice
• Phillip’s 66 Pumpkin Spice Ethanol
• Ragu Pumpkin Spice Spaghetti Sauce
• Pumpkin Spice limes
• Hormel Pumpkin Spice Bacon
• Massengail Pumpkin Spice Feminine Hygiene Products
• Spicy Pumpkin buffalo wings
• Pumpkin Spice Noodles
• Pumpkin Spice Poodles
• Pumpkin Spice Cole Slaw
• Pumpkin Spice iPhone 6 (wait, that one would probably do really well)
• Pumpkin Spice rat poison
• Pumpkin Spice sauerkraut
• Camel pumpkin spice cigarettes
• Winchester pumpkin spice 12 gauge shotgun cartridges (perfect for turkey hunting!)
• Charmin pumpkin spice toilet paper

Rejected ALS Challenges

If you have ventured on to any social media platform in the last few weeks, you know that pretty much every person in the world is participating in the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness (and maybe, just maybe generate a donation or two) for ALS.

If you are one of the few people on the planet not familiar with the challenge, it breaks down like this:

1. Person speaks directly into a cell phone camera and gives some spiel about being challenged by somebody higher up on the social media food chain.  Viewers resist the urge to fast forward to the good part.
2. The participant challenges three friends, family members, or random celebrities to do the same thing within 24 hours or pay a bribe…sorry, I meant “donation”…to get out of it.
3. A bucket of ice water is dumped over the participant’s head.
4. They shriek and scream like somebody who just had icy water dumped on their head.  Hilarity ensues.
5. Participant uploads the video to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, YouTube, MySpace, Geocities, and/or some random AOL chat room.

The viral popularity of the Ice Bucket Challenge is greater than anything anybody could have anticipated.  Donations are through the roof, awareness is off the charts.  I’m not sure if it could be going any better.

Or maybe it could…

Just imagine if the folks at ALS had decided to go with one of the other challenge finalists:

• Lukewarm bucket challenge
• Dry ice bucket challenge
• Rice bucket challenge (fried or steamed)
• Ice Ice Baby challenge
• Show me a receipt for your donation challenge
• Boiling water challenge
• Colonel’s 10 piece bucket challenge (original or extra crispy)
• Mice bucket challenge
• One big ass block of ice challenge
• What else will you do to avoid giving money to charity challenge
• Lou Gehrig challenge (have a descendant of Wally Pipp dump 2,130 of any item on you)
• Lucky Bucket challenge (Mmm….Lucky Bucket….)
• Ice Dixie Cup challenge
• Feit Can Write U-Haul Truck-It Challenge
• Lice bucket challenge – oh wait, that’s an old Fear Factor episode.
• Harlem Globetrotter bucket challenge
• Tell me what “ALS” stands for challenge

*   *   *

 Author’s Note:  I figured this was a pretty good entry in the WordPress Daily Challenge “Breaking the Ice”.

Greatest Huskers, By the Numbers: 9 – 1 (Z)

This is my countdown of the greatest Nebraska Cornhuskers to wear each jersey number, 1-99.  For background on the project, click here.  We’re going to start at #99 and work our way down to #1.  For each number, I’ll list the best player to wear that number, some of the other memorable Huskers to don that jersey, as well as a personal favorite of mine.

This is it.  The final ten*.  The single digit club is made up of quarterbacks (including a Heisman Trophy winner), cornerbacks, I-Backs, and a miscellaneous blend of wingbacks, receivers, and kickers.

*Actually, there are only nine.  My research could not uncover any Nebraska football player who ever wore the number 0 or 00.  

And more than probably any other group in the countdown, 9 – 1 contains guys who despite solid (if not outstanding) careers, were never fully embraced by Husker fans, cautionary tales, and talk of a curse.

9

Best Player:  Steve Taylor, Quarterback, 1985 – 1988
Other notables:  Gary Russell
Personal Favorite:  Taylor

Comments:  Throughout the countdown, we’ve talked about players who were ahead of their time.  Guys who could be lifted out of their era and land successfully in today’s game.  Steve Taylor is one of those guys.

Taylor had good speed and elusive moves as a runner (over 2,000 career rush yards and a then single game record 157 yards against Utah State in 1987).  But Taylor does not always receive enough credit as a passer.  Certainly, many remember his impressive line against #3 UCLA (10-15, 217 yards, five touchdowns).  But having been away from an option offense for more than ten years, can we really appreciate what a five passing touchdown day would have looked like in Osborne’s ground offense?

In case you thought the UCLA game was a fluke, Taylor added a four TD performance against Mizzou in the same season, which helped him earn All America honors.  I’d love to see what somebody with Taylor’s skill set would look like in one of today’s spread offenses.

8

Best Player:  Tyrone Williams, Cornerback, 1993 – 1995
Other notables:  Ameer Abdullah, Tyrone Byrd
Personal Favorite:  Ameer Abdullah, I-Back, 2011 – 2014

Comments: Tyrone Williams was an excellent cover corner. Strong and fast, he matched up against some excellent receivers during his NU career and usually came out on top. He received honors after each of his three seasons at NU: Big 8 Defensive Newcomer in 1993 and All Big 8 in 1994 and 1995.  He may not be in the first tier of great Husker cornerbacks, but he’s definitely in the next group.

Ameer Abdullah is everything you could want in a college running back. Breakaway speed, raw power, good vision and agility, and a warrior-like toughness to play through injuries. When Abdullah arrived on campus he was not as highly regarded as fellow recruits Aaron Green and Braylon Heard. Yet, Abdullah is poised to finish his Husker career near the top of the all-time rushing chart. Off the field, Abdullah is a bright kid who understands the importance of education. His statement announcing his decision to come back for his senior season should be required reading for all student athletes.

7

Best Player:  Eric Crouch, Quarterback, 1998 – 2001
Other notables:  Scott Frost, Demorrio Williams
Personal Favorite:  Crouch

Comments:  Nebraska’s most recent Heisman Trophy winner is one of the most electrifying athletes to ever play at Nebraska. Sprinter fast, Crouch was a threat to score from anywhere on the field. He carried the 2001 team to the National Championship game (Seriously. Crouch almost has as many rushing yards at team leader Dahrran Diedrick and his two best receivers were Wilson Thomas and Tracey Wistrom. Not exactly Rozier and Fryar – or even Phillips and Muhammad).

One of the themes within this set of numbers is talented players who were never fully embraced by Husker fans. The number 7 has two primary examples in Crouch and Scott Frost. The primary reason, in my opinion, was a perceived lack of loyalty to the program. Frost famously chose Stanford and Bill Walsh over Nebraska out of high school, before coming home. Crouch had to be convinced to return to campus during a heated QB controversy with Bobby Newcombe. Personally, I think these reasons are stupid.  I’d wager at least a third of the guys in this countdown have been homesick, changed their mind, or reacted poorly to disappointing news. I care more about their on-field production (a National Championship for Frost and a Heisman for Crouch) than a harmless decisions made by a teenager.

6

Best Player:  Keith Jones, I-Back, 1984 – 1987
Other notables:  Sammy Sims
Personal Favorite:  Darin Erstad, Punter, 1994

Comments:  The original “End Zone” Jones, Keith was a very successful back at Nebraska.  An injury to Doug DuBose made him a starter his junior season, and he never looked back, leading the Big 8 with 830 yards and 14 touchdowns en route to All Big 8 honors.  The speedy I-Back, another product of the Omaha Central pipeline, had a big encore as a senior.  He put up 1,232 yards and another 13 TDs, picking up all conference honors again.  Jones left NU third on the all-time rushing list.

I remember hearing that Darin Erstad was going to join the football team as a punter.  At the time, I thought it was odd that the best baseball player at Nebraska was going to be a punter and not a “skill” player, but Erstad proved quite skilled.  He averaged over 42 yards a kick, made some PATs, and a couple of field goals.  I wholeheartedly believe he does not receive nearly enough recognition for his role in the 1995 Orange Bowl.  But let’s be honest, he’s on this list for one reason:  Double Extra Point!

5

Best Player:  DeJuan Groce, Cornerback, 1999 – 2002
Other notables:  None
Personal Favorite:  Jammal Lord, Quarterback, 2000 – 2003

Comments:  DeJuan Groce was a good cornerback.  Not great – or at least not as great as some of the others on this list – but good enough to be a multi-year starter and second team All Big XII selection as a senior.  But make no mistake, DeJuan Groce is not on this list for his work in the secondary.  Groce is here because he is one of the best return men in school history, trailing only Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Rodgers in punt return yards and touchdowns.  In his senior year, Groce racked up a school record 732 yards on punt returns and scored four touchdowns, including two against Troy State.  For his efforts as a return man, Groce was named All Big XII and All America as a return specialist.

I liked Jammal Lord.  I thought he was a talented athlete who made a pretty decent quarterback.  Unfortunately, he is another player whose career is not fully appreciated by Husker fans.  Why?  Lord had two big strikes against him:  1) he followed a Heisman Trophy winner, and 2) he was the quarterback of the 2002 team that broke the 9-win streak.  Like many Husker QBs in the Osborne/Solich era, Lord was definitely more of a runner (1,412 yards rushing in 2002) than a passer (48% career passer, more interceptions than touchdowns).  Lord racked up big numbers (234 rushing yards against Texas), but did not always make the play in crunch time (he threw an interception that ended that Texas game).  Regardless, I believe that had he been surrounded with better talent, Lord would be remembered more fondly.

4

Best Player:  Lavonte David, Linebacker, 2010 – 2011
Other notables:  Larry Asante, Troy Dumas, Tim Jackson
Personal Favorite:  David

Comments:  One of the best linebackers in school history, Lavonte David is on the short list with Mike Rozier for the best Junior College transfer in school history.  David appeared to be as fast going sideline to sideline as he was going straight ahead.  Combine that with his ability to detect plays before anybody else, and it is no wonder he racked up so many tackles in his two year career.  As a junior, he set a single season record with 152 tackles.  He followed that with 133 more as a senior.  To put that in perspective, Lavonte David played in 27 games as a Blackshirt.  In 14 of those games, he recorded ten or more tackles.

David racked up the honors in his two years.  Big XII Defensive Player of the Year, Big XII Defensive Newcomer of the Year, All Big XII, All Big 10, Big 10 Linebacker of the Year, All-American, and finalist for the Butkus, Lott, and Bednarik  Trophies.

In my years of watching Nebraska football, I’ve seen some outstanding linebackers.  Barrett Ruud.  Ed Stewart.  Demorrio Williams.  Trev Alberts.  Terrell Farley.  But I’m not sure if any of them were better than David.  He always seemed to either make the tackle, or be within 5 yards of the ball carrier.  And he had a knack for making a big play when Nebraska needed it the most – especially his stop, strip, and recovery of Braxton Miller in the 2011 Ohio State game.

3

Best Player:  Keyuo Craver, Cornerback, 1998 – 2001
Other notables:  Matt Davison, Tyrone Legette, Taylor Martinez, Daimion Stafford, Dean Sukup
Personal Favorite:  Taylor Martinez, Quarterback, 2009 – 2013

Comments:  Keyuo Craver was another terrific cornerback from an era of great secondary players.  Craver wasn’t especially big (he was listed at 5’11”, 190 pounds), but he was fast, athletic, and always around the ball.  He ended his career second all time in pass breakups and first in career tackles among cornerbacks.  Craver was also a special teams standout, blocking four kicks and scoring two touchdowns.

As a senior, Craver was All Big XII, All-America, and was a semi-finalist for several national awards.

Ah Taylor Martinez. Has there been a more polarizing player in Nebraska history? The freshman phenom who burst onto the scene with long touchdown runs was a sight to behold. Then injuries hit, and he was arguably never the same. His image probably took a bigger beating than his body, as he took heat for calling his dad from the locker room during a game, being careless with the football, body language that made him appear aloof, and his interesting relationship with the local media. And yet, he holds darn near every record that a NU quarterback can hold – including some involving turnovers.  He was a player who could make you say “Oh my God!” for both good and bad reasons.

There will probably never be another T-Magic.  While I’m guessing that’s okay for many fans, I think it is a little sad too.

2

Best Player:  Jeff Krejci, Safety, 1978 – 1981
Other notables:  None
Personal Favorite:  T.J. Hollowell, Linebacker, 2001 – 2003

Comments:  Jeff Krejci is poster child for the Nebraska walk-on program.  A Nebraska kid from a small town (Schuyler), he walked on to Nebraska in 1978, and was buried on the depth chart.  Through hard work and perseverance, he worked his way up and saw enough playing time to earn a couple of varsity letters.  As a senior, he became a full time starter at safety and was good enough to be named All Big 8, and earn a shot at the NFL.  A Nebraska football history site named Krejci to its All Time Walk-On Team.

I’ll admit that Hollowell is a bit of stretch as a personal favorite.  That is no disrespect to T.J., who was a part of one of Nebraska’s greatest linebacking trios (Hollowell, Barrett Ruud, and Demorrio Williams).  But when I think of Hollowell, I remember him more as a #17 (his number for his first two years in Lincoln) than a #2, but my other options for the duece were limited.  Regardless, T.J. was a good player whose career I enjoyed watching.

Number 2 is littered with guys who came in with hype but never made a significant impact:  Major Culbert, Mike Demps, Aaron Green, Lazarri Middleton, Patrick Witt, just to name a few.

1

Best Player:  Lawrence Phillips, I-Back, 1993 – 1995
Other notables:  Dale Klein
Personal Favorite:  Phillips

Comments:  Lawrence Phillips stands alone in Husker history.  Many have said he is the best I-Back to ever play at Nebraska – even ahead of Heisman winner Mike Rozier.  But he also stands alone as the person who did the most damage to Nebraska’s reputation.  Let’s start by focusing on his on-field accomplishments.

Phillips had a strong freshman year, contributing in a number of games.  But 1994, his sophomore season, was something special.  With Tommie Frazier and Brook Berringer out with injuries, everybody knew L.P. was Nebraska’s biggest threat.  Playing at #16 Kansas State, with walk-on Matt Turman at QB, Phillips had 31 carries for 126 yards and a touchdown – all while nursing a thumb injury.  In 1994, he racked up 11 straight 100 yard games, was All Big 8, and finished 8th in the Heisman voting.  His 1995 season got off to an even better start:  359 yards on 34 carries (10.5 yard average) with seven touchdowns in two games.

But when you talk about Lawrence Phillips, you have to talk about his off the field issues. The arrest. The suspension. The impact his reinstatement had on Osborne and the rest of the program. His additional legal issues in the NFL and beyond.  Bernie Goldberg digging for dirt and painting Nebraska as a “win at all costs” school.  We can debate if Nebraska has ever gotten past the damage Phillips did to the program’s reputation.  I think they have, only because the losing in the Solich and Callahan years became a bigger story.  But you know that should a Husker ever be arrested for violence against a woman, the name Lawrence Phillips will be brought up.

I have watched every Nebraska I-Back since the early 80s, and there have been some greats: Rozier, Ahman, Helu, Abdullah, Keith and Calvin Jones, and so many more. And yet, I truly believe the greatest back I have ever watched – regardless of team – is Lawrence Phillips. I also have no doubt that had the night of September 9, 1995 gone differently, L.P. would have won the Heisman Trophy over Tommie Frazier and Eddie George.

Also, no discussion of the #1 jersey at Nebraska would be complete without mentioning this brilliant (and extremely well-researched) piece where Dirk Chatelain of the Omaha World-Herald explores the curse of the #1 jersey.

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Start Over:  99 – 90

 

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(Author’s note:  Wondering why there is a random letter in parentheses in the title of this post?  Not sure how this post corresponds to the daily letter in the April A to Z Challenge?  Like clicking on links?  These questions are all answered here.)

Rejected LeBron James “Decision” Ideas

The speculation on where NBA All Star LeBron James will go has been heating up ever since he opted out of his contract with the Miami Heat.  Rumors have him going to Los Angeles to become a Laker, back home to Cleveland, or even staying in Miami with a retooled lineup.

But with LeBron, the destination is only half of the equation.  Once he decides where he is going to go, how will LeBron announce it to the world?

Not how I would pick a team, but what do I know?

Arguably, he will not do another installment of “The Decision” – the one hour, live on ESPN special, where LeBron managed to piss off and alienate almost every person in America when he famously chose to “take (his) talents to South Beach”.

In announcing his next team, there are several different approaches that James can take.